


Since You've Been Gone

by negans_lucille



Series: Since You've Been Gone [1]
Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Addiction, Affairs, Angst, Blowjobs, Cheating, Comfort Sex, F/M, Fingering, Fluff, Fluffy Smut, Jared Padalecki - Freeform, Jensen Ackles - Freeform, Love, Masturbation, Multi, Oral, Orgasms, Polyamory, Polygamy, Rehab, Smut, Threesome, Threesome - F/M/M, Threesome Relationship, Throuple, Voyeurism, media, mentions of cheating, public, relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-07-10 08:37:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 28,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19902883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/negans_lucille/pseuds/negans_lucille
Summary: When your long term boyfriend, Jensen, leaves without telling anyone where he’s going, you turn to his best friend, Jared, for comfort. After 6 months away, Jensen finally returns to find a lot has changed since he’s been gone. But is this change that you can all get behind?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is just an angsty, fluffy mini series. There will be a sequel at some point :)

It was hard to pinpoint what was wrong with your relationship with Jensen. But you knew there was definitely something off. Things hadn’t added up for a while now. At first you chalked it down to his show finishing after only 5 seasons. He seemed a little lost when the producers announced the news. He got a little more needy, a little more insecure. He constantly worried he wasn’t enough, constantly needed you to make him feel loved. And you were more than happy to do that. Even if it was exhausting sometimes. But you started to wonder if _you_ were enough for _him_.

In the three years you’d been with Jensen, he’d never been so insatiable. Even at the start of your relationship, when everything was new and exciting, when you had everything to discover about each other, it wasn’t this intense. So it didn’t make sense that, at the same time, it all felt like it was falling apart; like he was keeping secrets. And if you were honest with yourself, you knew there had been other women. Only a few that you could think of, and only when he went away with work to conventions; not that you were defending him. You’re pretty sure Jared had tried to tell you about it once, but you didn’t let him finish. You didn’t want him to confirm it, you didn’t want to have to explain to him why you weren’t going to leave the man who could cheat on you. You couldn’t explain it to yourself. You loved Jensen, with everything in you, and despite what he’d done, you knew he loved you too.

It had never truly bothered you that he fucked other people, because you knew it was just that; fucking. He loved you, he came home to you. You knew he would never have a romantic affair. That’s what mattered the most to you. Not everyone agreed with you, but they weren’t in your relationship. You knew how easy it was to feel lonely and crave someone else’s attention; not that you’d ever let it get that far. So your relationship wasn’t perfect, but you were two imperfect people.

The last month or two had been the most intense. Jay and Jared had finished conventions for the year, the show was over and people had started to move on. Jensen was worried he’d be forgotten about, which you constantly reminded him was ridiculous. His fan base seemed never ending. And loyal; you’d seen first hand over the years just how loyal those fans were. They were just as sad to see the show ending as he was.

You were pouring yourself a large glass of wine when you felt him wrap his arms around you. His lips pressed to the back of your neck.

“Need you, baby,” he breathed into your ear. You carefully placed the wine bottle back on the counter and sighed. It was the third time that day he’d _needed you._ And honestly? You were tired and a little sore. You didn’t want to reject him and make his insecurities even worse because lord knows that was the last thing he needed, but this was also getting ridiculous.

“Jay,” you started, turning around in his arms. He cut you off with his lips on yours. You kissed back for a moment but quickly pulled back so you could finish what you needed to say. “Is everything okay?” you checked. His green eyes scanned your face, a small frown etching into his brow.

“Yeah, just want you, what’s wrong with that?” he asked. You drew your bottom lip into your mouth and inhaled deeply.

“Just, this is the third time today, I don’t think I can keep up if I’m honest, baby,” you blushed. He chuckled a little, lips pressing to your neck as he pulled you close into him.

“Sure you can,” he mumbled.

“Jen, I’m not joking,” you pushed him away gently.

Jensen looked at you for a long moment, face twitching a little as his mind processed the information you’d given him.

“But I really do need you, baby,” he complained.

“And you’ve got me, Jay, just maybe we can cuddle without it going inside me, yeah?” you smirked, trying to keep it light.

“But that’s what I need,” he explained. You were speechless for a moment.

“Come on, we can just spend time together, it’s not all about sex right?”

“So you’re saying no then?” he spat stepping back,tone more aggressive than you were prepared for, “you don’t want to fuck me any more?” he asked.

“Jay, I’m sorry but it’s not like we don’t ever fuck, it’s literally all we do at the moment. I’m only saying no this once,” you sighed. 

“You fucking someone else?” He shot out.

“What?! Jensen, when have I got the time to fuck someone else? No!” You retorted, voices starting to raise.

“I don’t know, you’re saying you don’t get lonely when I’m away?” he cocked an eyebrow. You couldn’t believe, him, of all people, was accusing _you_ of cheating.

“What you mean like you do?” you shot back. Jensen didn’t say anything for a moment, green eyes wide. “Yeah, I know that you’ve fucked those other girls at cons.” You watched him squirm a little at your confession. He glared, face twisting with anger as his mind worked overtime, most probably on an alibi.

“Fucking Jared…” Jensen started.

“No, Jared didn’t say anything, he didn’t have to.” You grabbed your wine glass and took a long sip. You couldn’t believe he wasn’t trying to explain himself, he wasn’t even saying sorry. But honestly? You were too tired for that conversation tonight. “Look, I’ve never said anything because I know it didn’t mean anything, right?” you checked. He looked at you a little shocked and for a split second you doubted it was meaningless, what if it _was_ more than just sex?

“No,” he shook his head. Well that was something, at least.

“Okay,” you nodded, happy to never even talk about it again. You wanted to forget it had ever happened. 

You were both quiet for a long moment as Jensen paced the floor in front of you, his hand coming to wipe his mouth several times. Your eyes followed him, trying to figure him out. He stopped and turned to you again, green eyes narrow and trained on your face.

“What’s wrong with you at the moment, baby?” you asked softly. You could practically see him put his defences up, shoulders squaring and chest puffing before he replied.

“Nothing,” he grunted. You huffed and sipped more wine. “What’s wrong with wanting to fuck you sometimes?”

“Sometimes? Jay…” you shook your head as you trailed off, not having the energy for this same argument in a loop. “I love you and I always will, and whatever this is then let me help you,” you spoke calmly, walking up to him and wrapping your arms around his neck. You reached up on your toes to kiss him and felt him kiss you back, hungry and desperate like all his kisses seemed to be at the moment. His hands gripped your hips hard.

“Jay…” you gasped, trying to pull away. He really hadn’t listened to anything you’d been saying.

“You want to help me? This is how, Y/N,” he whispered, “let me fuck you.”

“Jay, no, I’m sorry, I can’t,” you sighed, forcing yourself out of his embrace. “Whatever’s going on, sex isn’t going to make it better, you can’t just pretend you’re fine.”

“I’m telling you, it will,” he growled. But you didn’t give in, crossing your arms over your chest as you waited for him to submit for once. This clearly angered him. “You know what? There are plenty of girls out there that want to fuck me, I’ll just go and find one of them, shall I?” he shouted.

“You know what, Jensen? Go! If you really need to fuck something that much then leave because you’re not getting it from me. You say you need me but you don’t, you just need my body right?” Jensen didn’t even deny it as he stared at you, chest heaving with anger.

“You want me gone, I’m gone!” He stormed out of the kitchen and you rolled your eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before following him out. This was ridiculous. He was actually leaving because you wouldn’t give it up?

“How old are you right now? I feel like you’re back in high school, leaving me because I won’t fuck you? Fine, Jay, if you’re gonna be like that then I don’t want you here right now anyway,” you shouted after him, “so I hope you go out there and find the best fuck of your life and I hope she was worth it because you better not come back until you’re satisfied!”

The front door slammed shut and you drew a shaky breath. You didn’t actually want him to go out and fuck someone else, he would know that right? You just hoped when he calmed down he’d be back. He would come back, wouldn’t he?


	2. One

You huffed as you stared up at the ceiling. Jensen still wasn’t home and it was almost 5am. You had hoped he’d take an hour or two to calm down and come back. Hell, you probably would’ve even had sex with him when he returned. You felt you’d already made your point and clearly whatever was bothering him he wanted to drown out with fucking. If that’s what it took, it that’s what he needed, then you just had to accept it. You just hoped he didn’t have to do some other woman. However, being logical, you thought he was probably only at Jared’s house, five minutes down the road. He was probably crashed out on his couch or in his spare room after drinking too much. Lord knows Jared needed the distraction at the moment. They probably both stayed up and bitched about women and how _they just don’t get it._ You rolled your eyes to yourself and sighed heavily. Tomorrow he was in for it. You hadn’t gotten a minutes’ sleep because you were so worried about him. 

You gave up at 6am and got up. You tried calling Jensen, like you had done many times through the night but instead of ringing out, his phone was off now. It had probably died. You pulled your silk robe on and wrapped it around yourself, scrolling through your contacts for Jared’s name. You didn’t want to call him and wake him so early. Although he was an early riser, usually enjoying a morning jog around this time, you doubted that was the case this morning if he’d been up late drinking with Jay. But still, it would put your mind at ease that Jensen was definitely there. You pressed call before you could change your mind and listened to the ringing fill the speaker.

“Hey,” Jared was panting, clearly out of breath. You frowned for second, surprised that he would be out on a run if he’d been drinking.

“Sorry, are you out on a run?” you asked.

“Yeah, what’s up?” Jared gasped. You played with the tie on your gown. Jensen must’ve just crashed there without dragging Jared into anything.

“Can you send my boyfriend home when you get back? I’ve not slept a wink worrying about him,” you told him.

“What?” Jared gulped.

“Jensen, he’s at yours is he not?” you pressed. You could hear Jared stammering, exhaling heavily. Your stomach twisted as it dawned on you that Jensen wasn’t at Jared’s at all.

“Yeah, yeah,” Jared sounded unconvincing.

“Don’t bullshit me, Jar,” you warned, “I know he’s your best mate and you want to protect him, but if he’s not there then tell me,” you demanded.

“Look, I’m sure it’s not what it looks like…” Jared struggled.

“I know what he’s capable of, Jar, trust me,” you huffed. You felt sick. You’d actually driven Jensen to cheat on you last night. Why didn’t you just suck it up and fuck him? The other times he’d cheated were different, you weren’t there so it was almost justified, but last night he left your home to go and find someone else. All because you wouldn’t spread your legs. You’d never realised how much of a misogynistic pig he could be. Maybe you were better off without him anyway.

“Let me call him,” Jared offered. You sighed and closed your eyes, your one hand on your forehead.

“Alright, call me back,” you agreed, hanging up. You admired Jensen and Jared’s relationship a lot, and if anyone was gonna get through to Jay when he was like this, it was Jared.

You and Jared had always got on really well, he was goofy and such a good loyal friend. He always had Jensen’s back, your phone call had just proven that. But you could see he was torn sometimes, between sticking by his best friend and doing the right thing. Like the first con where Jensen had cheated on you. Jensen had come back seeming incredibly off. You instantly knew something had happened, not sure exactly what, but you didn’t want to jump to the conclusion he had cheated too soon. Only a week or so later, after also being off with you, Jared had gotten you alone and had tried to tell you what had happened. You had stopped him before he actually told you, not needing any more confirmation that your suspicions were correct. You could see Jared was somewhat relieved that you refused to let him tell you.

Jensen and Jared had such a unique bond, it was rare for anyone to find that. If Jared couldn’t get through to him, no one could. Not even you.

You didn’t have to wait long for Jared to call back.

“I can’t get through to him,” Jared sounded just confused as you.

“Was his phone on?” you checked.

“Yeah…just rang out. I tried three times,” he explained. Huh, when you tried it was off, unless he’d blocked your number. Why would he do that though? “What happened, Y/N?” Jared asked. You sighed heavily and held your head in your hand as you rested your elbow on your lap.

“Long story, do you mind…” You could feel the tears building as you thought about the fact that Jensen might have actually left you. What if he really had cheated? You weren’t sure you could handle another time. It would break you.

“I’ll be right over,” Jared didn’t even need you to finish your sentence. He’d gotten to know you well enough over the years to know what you needed.

Jared was less than five minutes, letting himself in as you came down the stairs.

“You ok?” he checked, hazel eyes soft as they landed on you. You wiped your cheeks as you stepped towards him and let him hold you.

“Not really, I think he’s gone, Jar,” you sobbed. “We had this massive argument last night and I told him to leave and he did. I thought he’d be back once he had cooled off, or he’d go to yours,” you explained through your tears.

“He won’t have gone far,” Jared soothed, stroking your back. You had to trust Jared. He knew Jensen better than anyone, if he believed Jensen would come back, then he would. “He loved you, Y/N, he wouldn’t just leave you like that without saying anything,” he told you.

“I thought the same thing, but recently…” you trailed off. “You know he’s been off,” you sniffled. Jared’s chest rose, muscles hardening under you as he drew a deep breath. “Never would’ve thought he’d cheat on me, but here we are.”

You felt Jared tense up a little. You knew he wouldn’t agree with what Jensen had done, you imagined he’d spent a good amount of time trying to talk him out of it in the first place. But Jensen could be stubborn and Jared wasn’t the type of person to get aggressive about it.

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” Jared whispered.

“It’s not your fault, Jar,” you reassured him. You stepped out of his embrace, even though it was making you feel a lot better and guided you both over to the couch, sitting down and instantly grabbing a cushion to hold.

“Was the cheating what you argued about?” Jared asked softly, sitting next to you.

“It’s stupid really,” you sighed, “I wouldn’t have sex with him, that’s how it started.” You saw Jared’s face twitch into a frown for a second, his hazel eyes looking around as if he was trying to figure it out. “He just can’t keep his dick in his pants at the moment, I was sick of it. Something’s going on with him and he’s just using sex as a distraction,” you explained. “I tried to make him talk about it but he wouldn’t. He accused me of cheating,” you looked at Jared, “me!” You pointed at yourself, unable to hide the disbelief in your voice. “Anyway we argued about that next, and then he told me that there were loads of girls that would fuck him.” You stopped to draw a deep breath, shaky with tears. “So I told him to leave and not to come back until he was satisfied,” you finished.

Jared’s hand came to your back as he stroked it softly.

“Something is definitely off with him at the moment, but he won’t talk to me either,” Jared sighed. You gulped, if Jared had no idea either, you were in trouble.

“What if it’s bad, Jared? What if it’s really bad?” you panicked.

“Hey, it’s gonna be ok,” Jared soothed immediately, “he’s gonna realise what a dick he’s been and he’ll come back, I promise.” You wanted to believe him, so you tried to. “Just give him some space, he’ll come around.” You nodded and played with the edge of the cushion in your lap.

“I’m sorry, Jar, for laying all this on you, with everything going on for you right now…” Jared cut you off by shaking his head.

“No, you and Jay have been there a lot for me recently, it was about time I returned the favour,” he smiled. You hated that you had to bring this drama to Jared, who probably wanted anything but someone else’s romantic issues when he had his own to deal with.

“Everything ok with all that?” you checked. It was a welcome distraction, to worry about Jared for a moment. He had only been broken up from his fiancée, Kelly, for a couple of months. He hadn’t taken it well at first, but he seemed to be doing better now, spending a lot of time with you and Jensen.

“Yeah, fine,” he smiled, “don’t worry about me right now,” he demanded softly.

There was a moment’s quiet before he spoke up again.

“Have you checked his social media?” Jared asked. You hadn’t even thought of that. Why hadn’t you thought of that? He never used it very much, but you still should’ve checked.

“Well, I hope he’s not put anything on there,” you gulped, “I don’t want the public knowing about this before we’ve even figured out what _this_ is.” Just the thought made panic rise inside you.

“No, I know, but maybe he’s posted something that says where he is, or at least that he’s alive,” Jared offered, leaning to dig his phone out of his pocket as he loaded up Instagram.

Lo and behold, Jensen had added a couple of videos to his Instagram stories. He was in some bar, beer in hand as he sang along loudly to the music. The camera panned around the crowded room, another video on him as he sang and there were girls around him, sticking their heads next to his to pose for the camera. To most people it wouldn’t have seemed like a big deal. But it was.  
“Fucking dick,” you muttered under your breath. You went from concerned to pissed off pretty damn quickly. He’d left you, let you worry about him all night for him to go out partying with a bunch of girls? Hell, he probably did fuck at least one of them. Fuck him. Jared sighed next to you as he noticed you getting more and more wound up. “I can’t believe he’d actually leave like that, without telling me he was at least ok! I could kill him!” You ranted. You stood up and paced around the room, trying to calm down because Jared no doubt felt incredibly awkward right now. He probably had no idea whose side to be on. 

“At least you know he’s ok,” Jared tried to offer.

“He fucking won’t be when I’m done with him.”


	3. Two

Logging onto Instagram was the first thing you did that morning. You went straight to Jensen’s profile and clicked to see his stories. Yet another one of some bar, drinking, girls. So he was still alive. This is the only way you’d known he was okay for the whole week he’d been gone. You weren’t sure when he was coming back, _if_ he was coming back. But he clearly was having a great time without you. You clicked back to your own profile, seeing all the photos of you and Jensen amongst the make up shots.

You definitely weren’t one of those girls that only posted about your famous boyfriend just because he was famous, you just rarely took photos that weren’t with him. You had always done everything together. All the other photos were professional of your clients with their make up done. It was incidentally how you’d met Jensen and Jared. You had been their make up artist on set for the first two seasons of _Supernatural._ Even though you’d moved on, you and Jensen were already dating by then.

You updated it regularly and you were very well aware you’d not posted all week. You couldn’t bare the thought of having to pretend you were fine. But, part of your life in the public eye was to keep up appearances, and even though you were still pissed off with Jensen, you didn’t want to make anything public without him. So you scrolled through your photos for one of you and Jensen that was a few months old. You were on a beach together, sun kissed and smiling at each other, the sea behind you as Jensen held your bikini clad body close to his bare chest. You were enjoying your vacation since filming had ended.

_Miss this place, could definitely use another break! #throwback #vacation #takemeaway_

You huffed as you closed the app and rolled onto your back, staring up at the ceiling. You didn’t want to spend another day wallowing in self pity. Jared had been around most days to make sure you were okay, but you’d mainly stayed inside. Reaching back for your phone, you decided to text Jared.

_Y: Fancy doing something? Literally anything, can’t stay home again. X_

_J: Sure. What are you fancying? X_

_Y: Anything. Just need a change of scenery X_

_J: Fancy helping me repaint my spare room? X_

You giggled at your phone. Jared was a DIY kinda guy when he wanted to be. He could easily afford to pay someone else to do it all for him, but he liked getting his hands dirty. And you enjoyed decorating.

_Y: Sure, sounds fun. As long as the music is good. X_

_J: The best, of course ;) x_

_Y: Good, I’ll be over in an hour x_

You smiled at your phone, throwing your covers off of you and getting out of bed. Your phone buzzed in your hand and you expected it to be Jared replying but it was Instagram.

_@jensenackles commented._

You frowned and clicked to see what he’d written. Three fire emojis. Huh. Looks like he was playing the _keeping up appearances_ game too. Unless this was his way of reaching out to you letting you know that he still cared about you, still wanted you. You tried not to overthink it as you got ready for Jared’s house. As you were only decorating you opted for an oversized, stained t shirt and leggings. It was hardly warm being November. You decided you wouldn’t shower until you got back, so you put your hair up and out of the way, using a rolled up bandanna.

*

“Hey!” Jared was stood in his doorway wearing old sweatpants that already had paint stains over them and he was bare chested.

“Forget to finish getting dressed?” you smirked, glancing over his body. You’d have to be blind not to notice what great shape Jared was in. He did work out a hell of a lot. He was all tan and muscle. Jared laughed, looking down at himself.

“Makes cleaning up easier,” he shrugged. You pouted your lips, figuring he was right. He pulled his beanie off, combing his hair back out of his face before pulling the hat back on.

You made your way to the room to see sheets down covering the dark wood flooring. The walls were currently pure white. Too white. You could see several patches of paint colours on one wall.

“I can’t decide,” Jared scratched the back of his neck as he guided you over to the choices. “Thought I’d get an artists’ opinion,” he winked. You rolled your eyes but smirked and mulled over the choices, looking around the room to get a better idea of the result.

You pointed to a very soft pink toned nude.

“This will look amazing against the dark wood,” you told him. “You could accessorise with cream. Would look good,” you told him. Jared cocked an eyebrow and nodded.

“Sure, whatever you think,” he agreed. “You’re the expert! I guess I’ll go get the paint. Want to come?” he asked.

“No, I’ll stay here and get the edges taped up,” you smiled.

“Ok great.” Jared smiled. “Help yourself to anything in the kitchen, I won’t be long.” You nodded and grabbed the masking tape to begin.

You waited a few moments, taping up the skirting boards before you decided to grab a drink. You headed downstairs towards the kitchen. Jared’s house was large and open plan, he had large wall length windows that looked out onto his huge garden and pool, they opened and folded away in the summer to make the place ridiculously spacious and airy. He hosted many BBQs and parties. His kitchen looked out onto the living area and on the other side of the kitchen was a large dining room. You loved Jared’s house, he lived pretty much in the middle of fields, but it was still close to the city and practically five minutes from yours and Jensen’s house. Just the thought of Jensen made you take a deep breath.

You shook it off, determined to have a good day, and opened the fridge to look for some juice or something. But it was practically empty, just a case of beers in there. You raised an eyebrow and looked through the cupboards, but they were kinda bare too. You sighed and grabbed two beers, one to give to Jared when he got back. Guess you were day drinking. Twisting the cap off you threw it in the trash and headed back up the stairs to the room.

You’d put some music on on your phone as you sang and danced along, taping up the last bit around the window frame.

“Having fun?” Jared was stood in the doorway, two large cans of paint in his hands. His muscles bulged with the weight, not that they were any kind of challenge to him, and placed them down in the middle of the room. His hazel eyes were gleaming as he smirked at you.

“Shut up, Jar,” you smirked, making a point to continue to dance to _Queen._ You grabbed his beer, twisting the cap off and giving it to him. “We need to talk about the kitchen situation,” you told him, taking a swig of your own drink. He raised an eyebrow as he drank.

“Yeah?” he asked after swallowing, his lips wet with beer.

“You men don’t last ten seconds without us women, do you?” you smirked. “Don’t tell me you’ve been living off beer?” you laughed. Jared laughed too.

“Hey, in my defence, I’ve been with you a lot this week,” he pointed out.

“Yeah ok, fair,” you nodded, not thinking about it that way. “Alright, let’s get painting,” you smiled. Jared nodded, grabbing the hem of his t shirt as he ripped it off. You let your eyes linger for a second longer than they probably should’ve before you got the brushes ready.

*

“Oh…my…god!” You screamed, feeling the wet trickle down your arm as you stood to the spot. “You’re a dick,” you giggled.

“No idea what you’re talking about, doll,” Jared smirked, shrugging innocently as he went back to painting. “But at least now you look cute,” he added. You scoffed at him as you rubbed at the paint so it would at least dry.

“Cute huh?” You asked as you dipped your own brush in the pot before flicking it at Jared. The pink colour landed on his side, and spread across his stomach, trickling down his abs.

“Oh you bitch,” Jared laughed, looking down his body, “if that gets under my shorts and ends up where it shouldn’t I’m gonna be so mad.” But the amused look on his face told you otherwise. “I don’t fancy scrubbing paint off my dick tonight.” You laughed loudly, tipping your head back.

“Hey, that could be fun,” you winked.

You loved your relationship with Jared. The flirting had always been a thing. It was harmless, didn’t mean anything. If anything, it was worse when Jensen was around, just to wind him up. Jensen definitely wasn’t as dirty minded as you and Jared could be, and you loved making him blush. You and Jared had always been a little goofy and massively enjoyed playing pranks on Jensen. If he was here you knew he’d be covered in paint by now.

“You’ll be fine,” you reassured Jared, “just rub it in.” Without even thinking you reached forward and smeared the paint just under his belly button until it was dry, some getting into the hair that trailed down to disappear into his shorts. You didn’t envy him having to get it out of there. “Sorry,” you apologised, snapping your hand back when you realised you were getting a little too familiar.

“It’s cool,” Jared smirked, “thanks,” he added.

You both went back to painting, not quite as jokey as before.

“So I saw your post on Instagram,” Jared spoke up. You stopped brushing.

“Yeah…I just…I figured people might start talking,” you shrugged, trying not to make a big deal out of it.

“I saw Jensen commented,” Jared added.

“Guess he’s on the same wavelength,” you sighed. Jared didn’t reply for a long moment.

“So that’s the only contact you’ve had since he left?” he checked.

“Yep!” You popped your ‘P’ and tried to sound more cheery than you were. You ran the brush along the wall even though it needed refilling and bit down on your bottom lip as you thought about the argument before he left. You never would’ve thought it would come to this. Jared was quiet for a long moment as you just stared at the white and pink wall in front of you.

“Jensen!” Jared shot out and you turned around immediately to see him on the phone. “What the fuck man?!” he grunted, “you’ve had us worried sick!” Jared was quiet for a moment or two, “so you couldn’t even pick up the phone and tell us that? What’s wrong with you?” Jared was pacing now as he spoke. You wanted desperately to speak to Jensen, but your throat had closed up and there were tears in your eyes. “What do you mean?….No Jay, tell her yourself she’s right here…Jen! No…Just tell me what’s going on!…So you won’t even talk to your best friend? You’re meant to be able to tell me anything…” Jared sounded as hurt as you were that Jensen had just upped and left. You could understand why, until now Jared was Jensen’s go to for _everything_. What the hell was going on with him that was so bad that not even Jared could know?

“I will, of course I will but Jay you…” Jared pulled his phone away from his ear and looked it. “Fucking dick,” Jared grumbled. You took a deep breath and stared wide eyed at Jared as you waited for him to relay the message back to you. He just looked at you for a moment. “I can’t believe he doesn’t have the guts to do this himself,” Jared muttered. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” he began, voice softer as he stepped forward closer to you. “Jay said that he’s got some stuff to deal with,” Jared started explaining, tears streamed down your cheeks now as Jared’s hands held the tops of your arms.

“He’s…he’s not coming back is he?” you choked out.

“No darling, I’m so sorry,” he gulped.

“What do I do Jared?” you whispered, “what…what else did he say?”

“He told me to look after you and I will, Y/N I promise.” His hands cupped your face as he looked at you with heavy eyes.

“And?” you prompted, knowing he was holding something back.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N…” he sighed, “he said you should move on.”


	4. Three

_2 months later_

You squinted at your alarm clock to see it was a little after 6:30. You were surprised to feel that your bed wasn’t empty on the other side and turned around to face your company. His brunette hair had fallen over his eyes a little as you reached up to brush it back. He didn’t even disturb at the feeling of your fingertips brushing along his cheek bone to his hair line.

“Hey, sleepy,” you nudged him and he slowly blinked his eyes open, hazel coming into view. “You okay?” you check. He squinted a little and licked his lips.

“I’m tired, what’s up?” he grumbled, closing his eyes again.

“You’re usually on a run by now,” you told him.

He groaned under his breath.

“Can’t a guy get a day off?” he asked, a small smirk playing across his stubbled mouth.

“Alright, that body isn’t gonna chisel itself but I guess if you want a day off…” you trailed off, laughing loudly when he reached out and tickled your sides. “Jar!” you squealed.

“Y/N, it’s not even 7am. That’s the last time I’m sleeping in here with you,” he complained, rolling onto his back. He brought his hands up to his face as he rubbed it and pushed his hair back, lifting his head off the pillow for a second. He turned his head to look at you past his bulging bicep and smirked.

“Hey, you don’t have to,” you shrugged, acting nonchalant.

“If I remember rightly, you’ve been having trouble sleeping alone…” he teased.

“Hey, don’t joke about that,” you pouted playfully. “If you don’t want to sleep in here with me that’s fine,” you told him seriously.

“Don’t be silly, Y/N, you know I don’t mind,” he told you with a soft smile.

It hadn’t gone unnoticed to you how unconventional it was that you shared a bed with you ex boyfriend’s best friend. It wasn’t anything sexual, and maybe that made it worse. It had started when you asked him to stay over because you hated sleeping in the house alone. It had never bothered you before, but since Jensen had said he wasn’t coming home, the house seemed bigger and emptier and the dark, winter nights were the worst.

Originally, Jared was staying in your spare room, but him just being in the house wasn’t enough for long. You were drunk the first night you’d asked him to get into bed with you. It was Christmas eve and you didn’t want to spend it alone. You’d actually asked him to sleep with you which made his eyebrows shoot up as he stared at you wide eyed after you blurted it out. But you soon clarified that you meant _actually_ sleep with you. No sex. He’d agreed, and since then that was naturally where he slept now when he stayed, which was most nights. It had never felt weird sharing a bed with Jared. You were comfortable and you actually found you slept better for longer, falling asleep faster when he was there. He made you feel safe. You had a strong feeling that Jared felt the same about you.

He was tall with long arms and legs so sleeping next to each other without any touching was impossible. A few times you’d woken up with his arm around your waist, or legs tangled together. But it never bothered you. If anything, you enjoyed the comfort of human touch whilst you slept. You sighed and turned over to grab your phone off the night stand. Force of habit had you logging onto Instagram instantly and looking at Jensen’s profile. There was still nothing new. Not even any stories. There hadn’t been since the day Jared had called him. You just hoped he was okay.

“Still nothing?” Jared asked, rolling onto his side to face you. You shook your head and tried to take your mind off of it all by checking your notifications. As usual, you had multiple comments on your latest photo, all about Jensen.

_Why doesn’t Jensen use insta anymore? Where has he gone?_

_Are you two even together?_

_Did he finally leave you?_

_WHERE’S JENSEN?_

You drew a deep breath and closed the app. It did more harm than good to you, nowadays, but you couldn’t bring yourself to delete the app, or even take a break because of your compulsive obsession to check Jensen’s profile, despite having notifications turned on so you’d be informed if he did post. Sometimes, it didn’t bother you, you’d read the comments out to Jared in an overly dramatic fashion as you laughed them off. But today, wasn’t one of those days.

You quickly checked through your other social media’s, nothing special really. Related articles came up as you mindlessly scrolled.

_Jensen Ackles has ghosted us all and here’s why…_

Your curiosity piqued, wondering what bullshit they came up with and clicked the link.

_It’s not gone unnoticed to us all that Supernatural star, Jensen Ackles, has been uncharacteristically inactive on all his social media accounts for over two months now. Best friend and ex co-star, Jared Padalecki still updates regularly. But Jensen’s (ex?) girlfriend, Y/N Y/L/N, who used to post several couple selfies of them a week, now only posts make up shots. She claims she was stepping back from social media and only using it for ‘business’ but is that really what’s going on here?_

_Sources close to the couple claim the two of them have been having issues for months. Jensen was even rumoured to be seen checking into a rehab center around the time when he stopped posting on social media._

_This makes sense, let’s look at the evidence:_

_Just before he apparently disappeared into a poof of smoke, Jensen took to Instagram several days in a row, posting videos and photos on his stories of him partying hard with supposed “fans”, almost all of them female._

There were screenshots of the videos in question and you scrolled past them quickly, not needing the reminder.

_If he is supposedly still in a relationship, we’d be very worried if we were Y/N right now…If he was struggling with alcohol or drug addiction, maybe he finally hit rock bottom?_

_Y/N Y/L/N, Jensen’s apparent 'girlfriend’ hasn’t posted a recent photo of the two of them together since the partying stories emerged. In fact, the only two photos she’s posted since then with Jensen were both #flashbacks. Hmmm, suspicious?? Not to mention her account suddenly becoming 'strictly business’. She used to regularly upload to her stories, but this is rare now, Jensen never features in them if she does share on there, but his bestie, Jared, has made several appearances…_

There were screenshots from your stories, Jared being seen in most of them. You knew that could be used against you for that exact reason which was why you had stepped back from posting so much. But people who wrote articles like this don’t miss a trick, clearly.

_Talking of best friends, Jared Padalecki, who recently called off his two year engagement to Kelly Marshall…_   
  


You couldn’t finish reading because your phone had been yanked out of your hand by the man in question.

“Jared!” You warned, trying to take it back.

“Nope, you’re not reading those again!” He told you, “what did they say this time? Let me guess, drug addiction?” he checked. You sighed and rolled your eyes. You knew Jared was right to insinuate how ridiculous the article was. People loved to create more drama than necessary. When really, all it was was Jensen unable to keep his dick in his trousers and having a hissy fit about it. There was nothing as dramatic as drugs or addiction about anything that had actually happened.

“Alright, I’ll stop reading,” you told him, reaching for it again. Jared held it the other side of himself so you leaned over him, reaching for it as you laughed.

“Jar come on,” your voice strained. He giggled, his freakishly long arms keeping it well out of reach. “Give it back,” you whined, leaning further over him.

You felt something starting to prod you in your ribs as you looked down.

“Oh fuck,” Jared mumbled, giving you your phone back immediately. You couldn’t help but giggle as you climbed off him.

“You okay there?” you asked amused. He looked mortified. You giggled harder.

“Oh my god, Y/N, I’m sorry,” Jared blushed, pulling the covers over himself immediately. You just continued to giggle. “It’s kinda been a while and clearly _someone_ got excited that there was a girl so close…” Jared was almost laughing by the end of his explanation, clearly seeing how silly the whole situation was.

“Jared relax, it happens,” you reassured him. “I’m super hot, so it’s totally natural,” you joked, brushing it off. “You need to get laid,” you told him. “Fuck, I do too. We should totally both get laid.” Jared raised his eyebrows at you.

“You mean…” he pointed between the two of you.

“What? No, that would be weird…right?” you checked.

“Yeah,” he agreed, “and totally wrong…” he added.

“Yeah exactly…no, I mean we should go out and pull. You know, be each other’s wing men,” you smirked. Jared returned your smirk and chuckled.

“Really?” he checked.

“Yeah, come on, it’ll be fun. We both clearly need to release some tension,” you pointed out.

“Alright, I guess,” he nodded, agreeing. “You better be a good wing man,” he warned. You laughed.

“Oh, dude, I’m the best. I’m gonna get you more pussy than you could ever dream of.”


	5. Four

You applied another layer of lipstick and ruffled your hair a little to make sure it was ok. You hadn’t been out as a single woman in a _long_ time. Over 5 years actually. You weren’t sure you remembered how to seriously flirt, or what the etiquette was for a one night stand nowadays. And what if the press saw you? And word got back to Jensen? It had only been 2 months. That was too soon, wasn’t it? You tried to take deep breaths, to calm yourself a little and told yourself that you deserved one night out, without thinking about Jensen, without worrying about anything. You deserved to let your hair down and have some fun. You smoothed down your mini dress and decided to leave before you could change your mind.

You climbed down the stairs to see Jared stood at the bottom of them, sorting his hair out a little in the mirror by the door. He glanced up at you and smiled brightly.

“You look beautiful, Y/N,” he told you.

“Thanks, Jar, you look good too. Gonna have all the girls tripping over themselves,” you winked. He laughed at you.

“Think I’ll be too busy fighting off the pervs that are gonna be forcing themselves on you,” he smirked. “Are you ready?”

“Think so,” you sighed, “I’m a little nervous,” you admitted. Jared looked at you for a moment, a frown tugging on his brow.

“Why? You look amazing, and you don’t have to actually sleep with anyone,” he reminded you.

“I know…It’s just, I’ve not done this for a long time,” you blushed, “and if you’re off with someone…”

“Okay, look, I won’t try and get with someone until you do, that way if you don’t find someone then I can come back with you and keep you company,” he offered.

“No, don’t be silly, Jar. You’re in way more need than I am,” you joked with a smirk. “It’s fine, let’s just go, I’m being silly.”

*

“This was a bad idea,” you huffed. You’d already been spotted several times by fans wanting photos and asking impossible questions about Jensen. You and Jared both spun some story about him taking a break from social media because he’d been enjoying life. And he was _at home working on a secret project._ So you couldn’t exactly try and hook up with someone now. Jared still could, he was openly single. So that was something. You would occasionally point out girls you thought he might be interested in, but so far tonight he’d rejected every suggestion.

“Wanna leave?” Jared asked.

“No, you haven’t even spoken to another girl yet!” you told him, looking around the bar again. “I think you sitting with me is putting them off,” you commented. “I’m gonna go to the bar and you just sit there looking super hot, make sure to get noticed checking some girls out or something,” you bossed, climbing out of the booth. Jared laughed a little, shaking his head and rolling his eyes.

You got to the bar and leaned against it, looking over at him to see if he was actually doing as he was told. He wasn’t, he was just playing with his beer bottle as he pushed it back and forth on the table. Anyone would think he didn’t want to get laid. Lord knows he needed to. What was up with him?

“Alright, sweetheart?” you turned to see some older guy smiling at you. “Let me buy you a drink,” he offered.

“I’m fine, thanks,” you smiled weakly at him.

“Oh, go on, don’t be a prude,” he complained.

“Honestly, my boyfriend is over there,” you tried, referring back to Jared who was chatting to some girl. _Perfect._

“Looks like he’s busy,” the guy commented with a wink. You were starting to feel a little uncomfortable and decided you should probably leave. Your eyes searched for Jared again but he wasn’t at the table any more. Great. He had probably left with that girl. You were alone. You felt a little sick.

“Hey, you okay?” you heard his familiar voice wash over you and exhaled hard. _Thank god._

“Hey baby,” you sang, hoping that Jared would get the hint. He did luckily and wrapped his arm around you.   
“You okay? You were taking a while to get our drinks,” he commented, his hazel eyes suddenly flickering to the guy that was trying it on seconds ago.

“Surprised you noticed,” the older man grumbled, clearly unimpressed that he wasn’t getting lucky.

“She was a fan,” Jared explained. Okay, why did you feel relieved about that? You wanted Jared to hook up with someone tonight.

Without warning, Jared cupped your face in his large hands and leaned down to kiss you. His lips were soft and warm on yours, the taste of the beer he was drinking laced on them. His thumbs brushed along your heated cheeks. Your eyes closed automatically, your head tilting ever so slightly as you responded to the kiss. When he pulled away you were a little breathless.

“Let’s just go home,” he suggested. Your eyes were as wide as the older man’s. Jared was so _calm._ Like what just happened wasn’t a big deal. Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe you were just massively overthinking this. Just a simple innocent kiss between two friends, with slightly open mouths. No tongue, so there was that.

Jared was an actor, he’d had to kiss probably a hundred girls like that and it had meant nothing to him. Hell, he’d done that and more with other girls when he was engaged to Kelly. Jensen had done that and more since he was with you. _Supernatural_ had their fair share of heated sex scenes between the two brothers. So it probably wasn’t a big deal to Jared. He was probably just making sure that guy definitely backed off. You realised you hadn’t even responded to Jared, so you nodded, still speechless.

You felt Jared grab your hand as he led you out of the bar. As you got outside he turned to you.

“You okay? That guy was a total creep,” he noted. He still hadn’t let go of your hand. You slowly pulled it free.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you mumbled. “So, shall we find somewhere else?” you asked. Jared’s hazel eyes scanned the quiet, dark street. You loved the colour of his eyes and they were accentuated by the street lights.

“I’d rather go home,” he told you.

“Oh, come on, Jar, you’ve not even spoken to a girl that wasn’t a fan!” You complained.

“Yeah I did, that girl before I saved you. I just said she was a fan for that guy’s sake,” he explained.

“Oh, what was wrong with her?” you asked.

“Nothing…I just wanted to save you.” He shrugged as he looked around him again.

“I was fine,” you argued.

“Didn’t look it,” Jared smirked. “Well anyway, she probably saw me kiss you so I’m not having any luck with her now,” he chuckled.

“Yeah what was that by the way?” you asked, considering it wasn’t going to be some unspoken thing. Jared looked at you.

“What?” he laughed, “I was…I was saving you!”

“You didn’t have to kiss me, you could’ve just pulled me away,” you told him.

“Alright, fine, next time some perv comes onto you I’ll leave you to it.” He held his hands up.

You sighed heavily and looked around yourself.

“One more bar, just one more. Come on, I wanna find you someone,” you told him.

“Why?” he asked as you started walking. You hadn’t really thought about why, so you took a moment to.

“You’re a great guy, Jar, you deserve someone,” you told him. “And you got a hard on because I touched you this morning, you seriously need to get some,” you joked. “I’m feeling sexually tense just looking at you,” you teased.

“Wow,” Jared scoffed. “Harsh.”

There was quiet for a moment as you headed for another bar just a block or two away.

“So, say I do get laid…” you started, “what’s the… _code_ nowadays? Stay ‘til morning? Leave when he falls asleep?” Jared looked at you with a small frown etched into his face.

“Why are you asking me? I don’t know…” he laughed. You really were the blind leading the blind tonight.

“Guess I’d just leave afterwards,” you decided. Jared shrugged a shoulder.

“Sure,” he agreed. You were getting the feeling that Jared’s heart just wasn’t in this night out, but you persisted anyway. You weren’t sure why you were so hell bent on getting him laid, maybe you figured you owed him, or he deserved it. But whatever the reason, you’d made it your mission and you didn’t want to fail.

As you entered the bar you smiled. This was more like it. The crowd were more your type of people, it was quieter but not by much. You headed straight for the bar.

“Ok, let’s not make the same mistake again,” you told him. “Let’s split up,” you suggested. Jared cocked an eyebrow.

“You sure?” he asked.

“Yeah I’m sure, look, go talk to that girl over there, she’s cute.” You pointed to a tall thin woman with long brunette curls. Jared turned to look and looked back at you with a crinkled nose. “Oh no, don’t pull that face, she’s hot, go talk to her,” you encouraged, shoving him.

You turned back to the bar and ordered yourself a drink.

“I’ll get that, and another beer,” some guy spoke up next to you. You turned to see a handsome blonde.

“Thanks,” you smiled sweetly. He winked a blue eye at you and leaned on the bar.

“It’s quiet tonight,” he noted. You looked around the bar.

“Is it? I don’t get out much,” you told him. Your drink was placed in front of you and lifted it in cheers to him before taking a sip.

“I’m Josh by the way,” he held his hand out and you shook it slowly.

“Hi Josh, I’m Y/N,” you smiled politely.

“So how come you don’t get out much?” he asked.

“Oh, recent break up,” you shrugged, taking another sip of drink as you glanced towards Jared to see him talking to the brunette you’d pointed him towards. He glanced at you and flashed you a small smile.

The conversation with Josh wasn’t really going anywhere, but he was hot and you were tired of trying any harder tonight.

“So how many drinks are you going to buy me before you gather the courage to ask me back to yours?” you asked him with a smirk. Josh looked a little shocked at your boldness. He stammered for a moment. “'Cause I’m good with the one,” you added, putting him out of his misery.

“Alright, then let’s get out of here,” he nodded. You smirked and he started to lead you out of the bar.  
  


You were stood outside waiting for a cab when Jared came running towards you.

“Babe!” he shouted, slowing to a stop in front of you.

“Jar, what’s up? I’m good,” you told him. His hazel eyes gave Josh the once over. “I’m good, Jar,” you repeated. His eyes narrowed before he looked back at you.

“Come on, babe, let’s go home,” he suggested. _Babe._ Why was he calling you _babe_?

“Who is this?” Josh asked you.

“I’m her boyfriend,” Jared spoke up before you had a chance.

“Ex boyfriend,” you added quickly, shooting Jared a glare.

“Nah, I’m not getting involved in this,” Josh held his hands up and backed off, walking away.

You huffed as you turned back to Jared.

“What the fuck, Jared?! I told you I was good!” you snapped.

“He was a creep you didn’t want to leave with him,” he scoffed.

“I did actually!” You retaliated. “What happened to that girl?”

“Not for me,” he told you. You drew a deep breath, frustrated and shook your head.

“What is wrong with you? You were totally up for this earlier!” You told him.

“Well now I’m not, let’s just go,” he grunted.

The whole cab ride back to your house was silent. You were pissed off with Jared for scaring off Josh and for not making any effort to hook up with someone. You threw your coat down onto the couch as you got in and drew a deep breath, combing your hair over your shoulder.

“What the hell is going on, Jared?” you asked. Jared sighed and threw his coat on top of yours.

“I didn’t want any of those girls, it’s not a crime,” he told you.

“Ok, fine, but you didn’t have to cock block me, you were meant to be my wing man!”

“Oh come on, that guy was dodgy as fuck,” Jared sniggered.

“Last time I checked, Jar, it’s up to me whose dick I stick in my vagina.” Jared scoffed a laugh.

“None of those guys tonight were good enough for you,” Jared told you.

“I think I can decide that for myself,” you retorted. “Ok, so who’s good enough for me then? Is this because of Jensen?” you asked, “do you just not want me to move on?”

“What? No, this has nothing to do with Jensen,” Jared frowned.

“Ok, so who then?” you prompted, “you?” you asked.

Jared hesitated and it all dawned on you. The kiss at the bar, him cock blocking you, not wanting any other girl.

“Sure, why not?” Jared finally said.

“Jared, you’re Jay’s…”

“I know,” he interrupted. “But he’s fucked off, he left both of us. I’m not saying I want to be with you, I’m not in love with you. But don’t say you don’t think about it. We share a bed most nights, and yeah both of us could use a bit of relief sometimes. You can’t have people find out that you’re single right now, why not use each other to get off time to time?” he asked.

You let his words sink in for a moment.

“You want to be…fuck buddies?” you checked.

“Sure,” he nodded.

“No, Jar, don’t be stupid. You’re Jensen’s best friend that’s just…” you shook your head. Your mind was going a million miles an hour. It couldn’t happen, it was a stupid idea. Then why were you closing the gap between you and letting him kiss you again?


	6. Five

Your fingers combed through the back of Jared’s hair as you felt him lift you off of your feet, your legs automatically wrapping around his waist. Your kisses were hungry and eager. They were building a fire in your stomach, every inch of you feeling aroused. His large hands were cupping your ass, his large arms keeping you up with such ease. You never, in your wildest dreams, thought kissing Jared would be like this. So hot and passionate. Fuck. This is Jared.

“This shouldn’t be happening,” you mumbled against his lips.

“Fuck it,” he grunted. “You want to stop?” he asked, teeth capturing your bottom lip in the next second as his fingertips dug into the soft flesh of your ass.  
  


You felt yourself clench around nothing. You wanted this, more than you would ever admit.

“Fuck no,” you gasped. Jared grunted a little against your lips as he lay you down on the couch and climbed over you. You kept your legs wrapped around his waist, back arching as he began kissing down your neck, over your chest. You tugged on his hair a little as you whimpered softly.

“All those other guys looking at you tonight, wanting you made me jealous,” he told you, “it gave me the push I needed.” His lips sucked on the delicate skin of your neck for a moment before he continued. “I’ve wanted to fuck you since this morning,” he growled against your skin. You gasped, eyes squeezing shut as you felt one of his hands running up your thigh, under your dress. “Then you put this dress on,” he added, pushing it higher up your leg, “fuck, I’m surprised you didn’t notice how hard I was when you came down the stairs.”

  
His words alone were enough to get you going, to know he’d wanted you all day, that you’d turned him on. You’d not felt that desirable in a long time. With Jensen it seemed different, he was your boyfriend, so of course he’d want you like that, but eliciting that type of response from Jared, someone who really shouldn’t think about you in that way? Fuck, that was thrilling.

“I knew no other girl would do, I knew it had to be you,” he continued, lips sucking and biting along your collarbone, hand now dangerously close to your sex, but he teasingly stroked everywhere but where you wanted it most.

“Oh fuck, Jared,” you gasped, one hand still wrapped in his hair, the other squeezing at his bicep as it bulged, keeping his full weight off of you.  
  


“Bet you’re so wet for me, aren’t you?” he asked as you felt a smirk curling on his lips.

“Fuck, yes,” you moaned. Your mind was spinning, you knew this was a bad idea; awful even. But you couldn’t stop even if you wanted to, which you definitely didn’t. Maybe it was alcohol in your system that blurred the lines, maybe it was the built up tension. Maybe it was the fact that, if you were honest with yourself, you’d always wondered what it would be like to fuck Jared. And so far, he was not disappointing you. His fingers were still dancing dangerously around the edge of your panties. You bucked your hips a little to provoke a response, but he wasn’t playing along. You could feel the growing bulge as it dug into your hip.  
  


“Touch me, Jar,” you begged, bucking your hips again. Jared chuckled, pulling his mouth away from you as he smirked down at you, his long brunette hair getting into his eyes a little. He got rid of it with a flick of his head.

“Good things come to those who wait, baby girl,” he purred. You reached up, leaning on your elbows so you were close to his mouth again.

“I’ve waited a long time to fuck you, Jared,” you whispered against his lipstick stained mouth. He growled, kissing you desperately as you felt his fingertips slip down to between your legs.

“Fuck,” he mumbled breathless, “you are wet.”

“Told you,” you smirked, “I want you, Jared. Everything you have to give me.”  
  


Jared started to rub at your bundle of nerves behind your silk panties, making you moan loudly. He was grinding his hips down, his hard cock rubbing along your thigh now.

“Fuck, you’re hard,” you gasped, reaching down to feel it through his jeans. “And big,” you stammered. Jared laughed a little, his hazel eyes twinkling.

“Yeah?” he checked.

“Fuck, yeah.” You bit down on your bottom lip before rushing to unbuckle his belt and jeans.

“Not yet, baby,” he teased, pulling back from you. He sat back on his heels and you lifted your chest a little to look at him. His hands brushed up your legs, over your knees and swept in to the insides of your thighs as he reached up, hooking his long fingers into your panties. He pulled them down, carefully taking them off over your heels.  
  


Grabbing one ankle he lifted it to his mouth and kissed it, resting it on his shoulder as he kissed up your leg, hazel eyes not leaving you on his journey up to your body. When he got to mid thigh he stopped, encouraging your other leg to balance over his other shoulder. Your heels rested softly on his back as he settled on his front, laying between your legs. He looked up at you, a mischievous grin on his face. You knew what was coming and collapsed back against the soft cushions, one hand going to your face, the other to the back of his head. You waited…and waited…and waited.  
  


Lifting your head to see what was taking so long you saw the smirk on his delicious lips.

“Urgh,” you grunted, “you’re such a fucking _tease,”_ you complained, throwing your head back. He chuckled and you felt his lips press to the highest point of your inner thigh, right next to where his mouth should be already if he wasn’t being such an asshole.

“Gotta make you work for it,” he told you, breath hot and making your thighs even wetter than they already were. His one arm snaked up your body, his hand large enough to encase your breast easily.

“Please, Jar,” you begged, you were uncomfortable you were so aroused as you lifted your hips in a desperate bid to tempt him.  
  


His hands were quick to pin your hips back to the couch as he growled.

“Patience, baby.” You bit down on your bottom lip. “You’ll get it when I’m good and ready.” You never would’ve chalked Jared up as the dominating type in the bedroom. Jensen liked to be in charge, but for the most part it was a fair split between you. You’d never been with a man as commanding as Jared. You whined, desperate and needy as you waited. You were sure it was going to drive you crazy. You fought against his hold as he chuckled again.  
  


When you _finally_ felt his tongue press flat against your core, one purposeful lick right the way up to your clit, you moaned loudly. Your breath left your body in one quick burst, your fingers gripping the back of his head hard as you tried to encourage him to keep going. The second lick went the same direction as the first, harder this time. Then a third, harder again, until he set to work and swirled his tongue in all sorts of directions, lips sealing around your bundle of nerves, teeth grazing the sensitive flesh. Your head was tipped back as far as it would go, chest raised as you squealed, moaned and writhed beneath him.  
  


He sat back up, letting your legs fall softly to his sides and you were quick to reach up and kiss him. You could taste yourself on his lips and tongue as he held either side of your neck and kissed you deeper. Pulling your body closer, he gripped the back of your thighs and encouraged them to wrap around his waist again. He lifted you off the couch and headed for the stairs. You kissed along his stubbled jaw, down his neck sucking and biting the skin gently. He groaned softly, the vibrations tickling your lips.  
  


Once in your bedroom, he dropped you to the bed, rough but controlled. You couldn’t help yourself, your hands returned to their earlier work of getting into his trousers as you tugged them down to mid thigh. When it sprung free you gasped. He was long, longer than Jensen, not quite as thick, but thick enough that your fingers only just met as you wrapped them around him. Jared hissed inwards as you took hold of him and you looked up at him through your lashes to see him smirking down at you, hand going to the back of your head.  
  


“What a fucking sight,” he mused. You bit your bottom lip, a smirk on your lips. If he could tease, so could you. You lifted his shirt up and brought your face to his stomach, kissing and nibbling down from his bellybutton, following the trail of hair that fades to nothing at the base of his cock. “I know what you’re doing,” he smirked. His tongue came out to lick his bottom lip before his teeth captured it.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” you teased, tracing the length of his cock with your mouth without actually touching it. A deep growl resonated from his chest.

“Fuck, sweetheart,” he groaned, tipping his head back. An even more wicked thought entered your mind as you let him go and climbed further towards the centre of the bed.  
  


Jared’s hazel eyes narrowed at you as he watched you settle into place, knees raised, legs slowing opening to reveal your bare pussy. You kept your eyes on him as your hand slipped between your legs and you started touching yourself.

“Fuck,” Jared gasped, hand wrapped around his throbbing cock as he started to work himself. “God, you’re so fucking hot,” he grumbled, climbing onto the bed as he pulled you closer and wasted no time pushing into you with one thrust.

“Oh god.” You tipped your head back and gasped for breath. “We definitely shouldn’t be doing this,” you panted as Jared looked at you. Neither of you moved for a long moment. The reality of what was happening was setting in. You were having sex with your ex boyfriend’s _best friend._ You shouldn’t want it as much as you do.  
  


“I’m definitely not stopping now, sweetheart,” Jared laughed, pulling his hips back to snap them forward again as he started fucking you. You quickly started unbuttoning his shirt, revealing his tanned muscular body that you loved to pretend you didn’t appreciate. But fuck, did you, particularly right then. He ripped it from his arms and threw it to the floor. You immediately reached for the zip on the back of your dress, pulling it down until the material loosened around your frame. You slipped your arms out and felt as the lace dropped and bunched around your waist, revealing your naked breasts.  
  


Jared was quick to close his mouth around your hardening nipple, the tip of his tongue flicking it. He was fucking you hard but controlled, hitting places that were new to you. Gripping one of your legs he moved it to join your other one on the other side of his waist, spinning your body a little so you were on your side and he was now behind you. The new position made you tighter, you could feel him better like this as you groaned.

“Fuck that pussy is something else,” Jared told you, dropping his head to the back of your neck as he bit down where it connected to your shoulder.  
  


He crashed down behind you, large arms wrapping around your chest as he pinned your body back against his. Your hands gripped his forearms, his thick, hard body wrapped around you like this was so perfect.

“Oh fuck, Jar,” you gasped as one of his arms unwrapped from you and reached between your legs. He worked your body like he was already an expert, like you’d done this together a million times before. He built your climax quickly as you bent your head to bite his forearm, moaning loudly as the coil snapped.

“Holy…” Jared gasped, unable to finish his sentence as his hand slipped back up your body, palm flat on your stomach as he pressed you back into him, sending his length deeper still.

He kept himself buried there as his climax hit, a deep, low moan bleeding from his lips, washing over the back of your neck. His hold on you loosened as he panted and you slowly rolled away from him, face down on the bed as you turned your head to look at him. He glanced over at you and smiled, chest heaving.

“Fuck, that was good,” he gasped.

“It really was,” you agreed. You’d not had sex like that in a _long_ time. When Jensen grew obsessed it had almost become a chore. “I guess that makes up for the run you skipped this morning,” you smirked. He laughed and nodded, holding the hair out of his face.   
“Give me five minutes and we’ll go again,” he winked.

“Again?” you checked, eyebrows raised. He chuckled and pulled you into him.

“Fuck, yeah. It’s been a long time.”


	7. Six

Your thighs were shaking as you crashed down on the bed next to Jared.

“Ok, that's enough,” you panted, looking over at him. “I'm tapping out,” you gasped. Jared didn't say anything for a long moment. Anyone would think you'd just ran a marathon. Your body sure as hell felt like it. “We've had three hours sleep, max,” you pointed out as you glanced at your alarm to see it was almost 8am.

“Yeah but we've also had 4 orgasms,” Jared smirked, rolling to his side.

“Only 4? Oh, I've had 7,” you boasted. Jared laughed.

“Yeah and who's that thanks to?” he prompted as he started to kiss at your neck.

“You are not gunning for a fifth are you?” you giggled, pushing him away. Jared rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling.

“No, I think I'm done too,” he agreed. You laughed breathless, still recovering. Your heart rate was only just returning to normal, your lungs still hurt. You were wrecked.

“You're not like this all the time, are you? Because I can't handle another Jensen...” you joked. Jared laughed a little.

“It's just been a while and you're pretty good,” he shrugged.

“ _Pretty good?”_ you repeated with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, you know, average,” he teased. You shoved him before throwing the covers off of yourself and climbing out of bed.

“I'm gonna shower,” you told him.

As you stepped into the warm water you closed your eyes, and let the stream wash over your face. You knew you should feel guilty about sleeping with Jared, and for a split second you did, but it was quickly drowned out by a voice screaming _fuck it._ You were still pissed off with Jensen and his disappearing act. How could he up and leave you like that over something so _stupid?_ And without even saying goodbye to you. He got Jared to call it off, who even does that? After 4 years with someone? You knew Jared was pissed too for the same reasons. If Jensen ever came back, he needed to have a seriously good excuse for all this bullshit. And you figured after last night, there was definitely no way back for you and Jay.

Even now, with the alcohol pretty much drained from your system, you couldn't deny Jared had made a lot of sense with the whole _friends with benefits_ situation. You couldn't just go out and sleep with anyone whilst you were still pretending to be dating Jensen. It only took one person to talk. And you were sure it wasn't the wisest decision for Jared to be sleeping around either, for his image. You couldn't deny there was chemistry between the two of you, especially after last night. So why not have a no ties, no feelings, 'mind blowing sex only' arrangement?

As you stepped back into the bedroom with a towel around your body, Jared was sat on the edge of the bed, boxers on with his phone in his hand. He looked like he was suddenly in a bad mood.

“Everything ok?” you checked, voice slow. Jared looked up from his phone and sighed heavily.

“Not really, we've got a problem,” he told you.

“Is Jensen okay?” you asked immediately.

“Depends...”

“On what? What's happened, Jared?” you prompted. Jared drew a deep breath and walked towards you, handing you his phone.

“Depends if he's seen this yet.” There on the screen was a photo from the night before. It had been taken through the club window and it was of you and Jared kissing. Fuck.

“Oh...fuck,” you gasped, taking in every single detail of the photo as your mind tried to process the information.

“Daniel just told me,” Jared explained, “he said we need to get on top of this. Release a statement right away,” he added. Daniel was Jared's manager, he knew how to handle these situations so if that's what he suggested, you assumed that's what you needed to do.

“Jar, what if Jensen sees this?” you asked, wide eyed.

Jared took his phone back and paced a little.

“That kiss didn't even mean anything,” you defended.

“Exactly, we need to just tell the truth. Well, some of the truth,” he told you. “We'll say we were out for a drink as friends, had a bit too much and some guy was trying it on with you so I tried to get rid of him without resorting to violence,” Jared explained. You nodded. That was what happened, and it sounded good.

“They're gonna expect Jensen to make a statement too,” you gulped.

“Looks like you might be announcing your break up sooner than you wanted,” he sighed.

You grabbed your dressing gown and pulled it on, discarding your towel as you reached for your phone. Your notifications had gone crazy. There were the usual social media frenzy but you also had messages and texts from far too nosy 'friends' asking you to explain what was going on. You ignored them all.

“Look, maybe we don't need to reveal the split. I'll put a statement up with what you said and I'll add that it is no reflection on my relationship, right? And Jensen's been inactive for a while now, people might not question it,” you suggested, “we can at least try.”

“Ok, if that's what you want,” Jared nodded. “So how we gonna do this?”

You'd both gone over your statement, wording it in more your own ways and Jared even got Daniel's approval before you decided to post it. You'd opted to type out your statement and post the screenshot as your photo for Instagram.

_It's unfortunate about the photo that has emerged from last night. Jared was just being a good friend helping a girl out of a bad situation. I'm sure a lot of you girls have been in the same one, where a guy just won't take no for an answer. Jared is one of the nicest people I know and he didn't want to resort to violence. This kiss was not how the media would like it to be perceived and it has no reflection on my relationship with Jensen._

You posted the photo quickly and decided you would ignore your phone for the rest of the day. You didn't want to read the comments or the news articles. Understandably, Jared potentially 'stealing' Jensen's girl 'out of the blue' was big news.

“Alright,” Jared sighed heavily, throwing his phone down on the bed. “Guess we're in hiding for a few days,” he shrugged. “Want breakfast?” he asked.

“How are you so calm right now?” you asked, feeling the nausea wash over you constantly.

“There is literally nothing more we can do about it, Y/N, it's happened.” Jared always was a pretty rational guy. You figured he was right. It was done now.

Breakfast was quiet. You weren't sure what to make of everything that was happening and all you could think was what Jensen must be thinking. Unless he'd died, or had literally no access to any type of media, he was gonna know by now. Would he believe your statement? He knew you both well and it was something Jared would do. You remembered Jared having to step in and save you from a guy once before whilst Jensen was at the bar at some club. He hadn't gone as far as to kiss you that time, but still. Jensen had done it for Kelly once or twice too. Anyway, he was probably busy fucking anything that moved, so maybe he didn't care. He clearly didn't value his relationship with either you or Jared any more.

“I'm not sure last night should happen again,” you spoke up. Jared stopped eating and looked at you.

“No?” he prompted.

“I mean, look at the way the media have kicked off over a kiss that lasted barely ten seconds. What if this got out? That we fucked? And Jensen...”

“You need to stop thinking about his feelings, Y/N, he's not thought about ours, especially not yours.” Jared was more pissed than you realised.

“So is this to get back at him?” you asked. Jared frowned down at his plate.

“What? No...” he shook his head. “Why would you ask that?”

“Because I'm trying to figure out what is actually going on here,” you explained. “Last night was...amazing, but I mean...fuck buddies? Is that _really_ a good idea?” Jared shrugged a large shoulder.

“Look, we don't have to, I can't make you sleep with me, it was just a suggestion,” he told you, “but I don't think there's anything wrong with the two of us just helping each other out sometimes. I mean we've already crossed that line now, right?”

You were still thinking over Jared's words as you loaded the dishwasher. You knew you needed to forget about Jensen, if you were going to do this, you were going to do it for you. But you also had to be sensible about it.

“We can't, Jar,” you told him, closing the dishwasher as you turned to look at him.

“Alright,” he nodded, agreeing, much to your disappointment. You were hoping he'd at least try and convince you one last time. “Then last night was a one off,” he agreed, “one time only,” he added.

“Or 4 times only,” you smirked. He nodded and laughed to himself.

“It's a shame,” he admitted, “because it was probably the best sex I've had...ever,” he confessed.

“Yeah, it was good...” you agreed, biting down on your bottom lip.

Jared pulled you into him, lips smothering yours before you could even take a breath.

“Once more won't hurt, right?” he checked. You shook your head.

“No, just the once,” you agreed.


	8. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been so bad at keeping Ao3 up to date! You're much better following me on tumblr where I have a posting schedule and loads of oneshots I've still not managed to get onto here :') - negans-lucille-tblr <3

“Y/N?” Jared called, coming into the lounge with his phone in his hand. “Have you checked Instagram?” he asked.

“No, I don't want to know,” you told him, picking at the edge of the cushion in your lap. “It's bad isn't it?” you asked. Jared pouted his lips a little and shrugged.

“Actually, most people are congratulating me on being a good friend, telling me I'm sweet,” he smiled.

“Yeah, you're Jared Padalecki, you can do no fucking wrong in your fans' eyes. Bet my page is a completely different story, I wonder how many times the word slut appears in the comments?” you half joked. You remembered when you first got with Jensen and it became public, a lot of die hard fans that weren't happy with the news had a lot of hate to dish out on your page.

Jared offered you a sympathetic smile.

“Well, that's not what I'm talking about anyway,” he sighed.

“What is it then?” you asked, “Jensen's posted?” The hope in your voice even shocked you. You had given up on him posting and, anyway, you didn't care about him any more, right?

“Not quite...” Jared trailed off. Clearly, he wanted you to find out for yourself so you huffed and grabbed your phone, forever the glutton for punishment apparently, but you wanted to know what Jared was talking about.

Your phone had been blowing up with the amount of calls, texts, comments and likes that were coming through. You had never really had many real long term friends, Jared being the closest thing to that, and you used to have Jay, of course. So for the most part, anyone who you actually cared about knowing the truth already did. Or knew you well enough to know any story the media spun was probably fake.

You were well aware that you had also twisted the truth somewhat. It _was_ a reflection on your relationship with Jensen, because you no longer had one. And although that kiss was pretty meaningless, the ones that followed it definitely weren't. But, for now, people didn't know about those ones. That was yours and Jared's dirty little secret.

“What am I looking for?” you asked Jared, a little annoyed that he couldn't just tell you. Then you saw it, there under Jared's own statement, in the list of accounts that had liked the post; _Jensenackles._ So he definitely knew then, and he was still alive. That was something. You checked your own post, careful not to get absorbed in the comments and saw that he'd liked yours too. You were so confused. Had he done that for show? Was he going to release his own statement, when he had no idea what was going on? You wished you could just talk to him, you wanted the split to be announced already. You hated faking it and you felt you couldn't truly move on.

“Why would he just like the posts?” you asked Jared, “but not reach out to us?” He shrugged. “Is this a good thing?” you wondered out loud.

“I mean, I guess a little, people will hopefully see that as him backing us up, right?” Jared offered. You shrugged yourself.

“I wish I knew what was going on with him,” you sighed, throwing your phone down again.

“Me too,” Jared agreed.

“I mean, I feel like I can't move on like this,” you confessed. “I need to move on, Jar.”

_* * *_

_2 Months Later_

“I got it,” Jared told you, a strain in his voice as he lifted the box. “Fucking hell, what's in there?” he asked. You giggled.

“All my make up,” you told him. He cocked an eyebrow before shaking his head.

“So you want this in the spare room, yeah?” he checked.

“Yeah, next to my dressing table,” you smiled. You carried a much lighter box behind him into the house.

“How much make up do you need?” he asked as he tried to carefully manoeuvrer around doorways and up the stairs.

“It's my job, Jar,” you reminded him, chuckling.

The room looked good since you'd redecorated. Jared placed the box down next to your large white dressing table and dusted his hands on his thighs.

“Any more?” he checked. You placed your own box on the tabletop.

“Yeah a couple I think,” you smiled.

“How much stuff do you even have?” he laughed. You rolled your eyes with a smirk.

“You're the one that wanted me to move in,” you reminded him, “I'm sorry, am I invading your personal space?” you laughed, walking up to him and wrapping your arms around his waist.

“It's cool, I like it when you invade my personal space,” he winked. You giggled, biting down on your bottom lip before going up to your tip toes to kiss him. “Ok, I'll get the last few bits,” he smiled.

“Ok, baby, thank you.”

You sighed and looked around the room. It was so nice that Jared had given up one of his spare rooms for you to use as storage for all the stuff you had for work. You didn't want to clutter his bedroom, or anywhere else. You thought of it as your own office space. You had your dressing table and all the drawers for storing your make up, and then a desk the other side with your business computer set up.

You smiled happily. It felt like a fresh start. Since Jensen's disappearance four months ago you'd hated living in his house. All his things were still around and you didn't want to get rid of or move anything, because it was his place before it was yours. And when or _if_ he ever came back, he'd want to continue living there, he was still paying all the bills after all. Jared offered you a few times to move in but you kept declining at first, not wanting to impose. But, after a while you figured it wasn't a bad idea. Plus, Jared was staying over so often, you were already basically living together.

Deciding against becoming _fuck buddies_ didn't last long. For the most part because it was easy and convenient, and it was hardly a chore having sex with someone who looked like Jared. But it didn't take long to go from _only fucking_ to being a little _too_ familiar outside the bedroom too and by now? Hell, you were basically a couple going steady. It was never anything official, there was no asking each other out or dates, Jared just started kissing you randomly, or you'd call him 'baby' on accident, or you'd end up falling asleep cuddling. It was the little things that made you realise what you had was becoming something more. It wasn't just releasing tension, or taking comfort in each other any more.

You'd spent two months basically indoors avoiding everyone and everything so no one figured it out. You just hoped your move to Jared's house was discreet. If the public found out about that, they'd have a field day. There were already a lot of fan theories floating around about Jensen's disappearing act and the kiss photo. Some of them were scarily close. You did not need to add fuel to that fire. So you and Jared were extra careful when you did leave the house, usually you didn't go out together at all. You'd triple check everything before posting it anywhere, just in case there was a reflection of the other person, literally _anything._ You'd maintained your _business only_ ruse for the most part, so that made things easier.

“Okay, I think that's everything,” Jared smiled and you turned around to see him placing the last couple of boxes on your work desk. You looked around the room again and smiled. There were bad memories in this room, this was the room you were in when Jensen told Jared he wasn't coming home, but there were also good memories too. Like the couple months later when you and Jared finished redecorating and ended up fucking in the middle of the floor. You smirked at the memory.

“You okay there?” he laughed a little.

“Yeah, just remembering stuff,” you shrugged, “so this is real, huh? Living together.” Jared wrapped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you into him. “Not rushing things are we?” you asked. Jared hushed you, kissing your forehead.

“Stop worrying, sweetheart, everything is gonna be fine.”


	9. Eight

_2 Months Later_

“Oh fuck, Jared,” you moaned loudly, looking down between your legs to see his hazel eyes looking up at you. You leaned forward and gripped the headboard as you started to grind your hips down onto his warm, flat tongue, the stubble of his facial hair was grazing your ass cheeks, giving you a delicious burn. You reached down to comb your fingers through his hair, “don't stop,” you begged breathlessly. Your thighs were shaking as you tensed them either side of his head, your shins over his shoulders, as you felt your orgasm building to breaking point. “Oh fuck, please don't stop,” you repeated, throwing your head back.

In the four months you'd been intimate with Jared, he'd very quickly become an expert with your body. He was great to start with, but fuck that man got better and better and you were sure he had to have peaked already. It couldn't get better than _this._ Your orgasm hit you quickly as you panted, feeling your pussy clench around the thick muscle of Jared's tongue. You recovered for a second and used your grip on the headboard to slowly climb off of his face as you crashed down next to him.

His mouth, nose and beard were slick with your orgasm as he licked his lips and brought a hand up to wipe his mouth.

“Fuck that was good,” you told him, your chest heaving as you recovered.

“Happy birthday, baby,” he smirked, kissing you deep and slow, the taste of yourself very prominent on his mouth.

“Thanks,” you smiled, kissing him once more.

*

It was a hot day, so the large wall length glass doors that lead out to the back yard were fully open, letting in a lovely breeze through the rest of the house. You had the music blaring; not your choice but you were quite happy to dance along as you cut up all the veg for the kebab sticks you were making. It was perfect BBQ weather, a few beers, some food and maybe a dip in the pool to cool down.

The beers had already begun, enough that along with the intense heat, you were feeling a little giddy.

“It's ready, baby.” You looked up to see your handsome boyfriend walking in from the garden. He was shirtless, his toned, tanned body glistening a little with sweat, hair pushed back out of his face. You bit your bottom lip as you drank him in. You were the luckiest girl alive right then. He must've noticed you staring as he cocked an eyebrow and stopped in front of you, the other side of the counter. “You ready?” he prompted, reaching over and taking a piece of cut up pepper before popping it into his mouth.

“Jared!” you scolded, slapping his hand away before he could grab another one. “I won't be if you keep eating it all, come around here and make yours,” you ordered. Smirking, he slipped the other side of the counter next to you and grabbed a kebab stick, loading it with different veg and chunks of chicken.

“We should've invited people over,” he spoke up. Your smile dropped a little as you bit on your bottom lip, now focusing on loading your own kebab stick.

“Not sure,” you mumbled, impaling a mushroom to slide alongside a piece of onion already on the wooden stick.

“They gotta find out at some point, I mean, I'm sure most people have an idea what's going on,” he said softly.

“I know, I just...I don't want them to judge me, because of how long it's been, you know? And I kinda want Jay to know first,” you blushed.

“Firstly, he was my best friend, they'll be judging both of us. Secondly, you've not seen or heard from him in over 6 months now, so how long are we gonna wait for him to know first? Until we're married and have three kids?” Jared asked.

“Married with three kids?” You questioned, “wow, really got it all planned out, haven't you babe?” you smirked. Jared rolled his eyes and laughed a little.

“You know what I mean. I know Jensen finding out first would be ideal and we want him to find out from us not somewhere else, but I just don't think it's gonna happen, honestly baby.”

You sighed, Jared had a point. You'd spent the last month holed up with each other, avoiding anything public, even with your friends. But you knew that this thing with Jared wasn't a comfort fling or just rebound any more, it was real so maybe it was time to bite that bullet and let everyone know you'd moved on. They'd never understand or know the full story, so you'd always get some sort of judgement or hate for it, but fuck it. That was just part of the life you'd set up for yourselves.

“Alright, just friends and family first, yeah?” you checked.

“Mhm,” Jared agreed, wrapping his arms around your waist as he pulled you into him. You went up onto your tip toes to kiss him, wrapping your arms around his neck and feeling his hard muscular body press against you. A knock on his front door broke you away from each other.

“Not expecting anyone?” you checked. Jared kissed your forehead.

“Only a delivery, probably that,” he smiled rubbing your back.

“Why what did you order?” you asked.

“Surprise,” he winked with a smirk.

“No fair, Jar, tell me!” you whined as he started to walk towards the front door.

“Stay there,” he warned playfully. But you weren't about to do as you were told, of course. You wanted to know what Jared had bought. You bit on your bottom lip and smirked as you made your way to the front door.

“Come on, baby, you know I don't like surprises just let me...” Your words died in your mouth as you stared at the man at the front door.

“Well then, you're gonna hate this one, sweetheart,” A deep, gravelly voice replied.

“Jensen.”

He didn't look any different. Not that you were expecting him to, it had only been 6 months. But, he did _seem_ different. His beard was short, well groomed and suited him. You'd always liked his hiatus beards. He smiled softly at you.

“Happy birthday, Y/N,” he told you softly. The initial shock was wearing off now, and the reality of the situation was setting in. He'd fucked off for 6 months, left Jared to break up with you on his behalf, no explanation, not even an apology. And he was just showing up here, unannounced, like nothing had happened on your fucking _birthday?!_

“Jensen, what the fuck are you doing here?” you snapped, “you don't get to just leave out of the blue for 6 whole months and then just show up on the fucking doorstep like nothing's happened!”

“Well, clearly something has happened,” he commented, his green eyes flickering to Jared. Was he actually being serious? He was going to make _you_ feel guilty?

You had barely registered what you were doing as your palm made contact with the side of his face. Jared's body was pressed behind you immediately, holding your wrists.

“Baby, calm down,” Jared murmured.

“It's ok, Jar, I deserved that,” Jensen nodded, holding his cheek. “Look, I'm not mad about... _this,”_ he told you, waving a finger between you and Jared. “I get it, okay, I was a grade A dick. But I have an explanation, if you'll just hear me out,” he tried.

“No way, there's nothing you could say to make this okay, Jay, I don't want to know,” you told him, shaking your head.

“Maybe we should...” Jared started.

“Seriously?” you turned to your boyfriend and glared at him.

“You want closure don't you?” he asked. You sighed, feeling your defences drop a little. Jared had a very fair point.

“Fine, but then you leave me alone,” you warned, stepping to the side.

Jensen hesitated for a moment before he stepped inside. Jared closed the door and offered you a sympathetic smile, his hand stroking your back lovingly for a second, but when Jensen turned to look at you both, Jared backed off.

“Ok, let's get this over with,” you huffed, making your way to the living room. You grabbed a large cushion to hold as you sat down and waited for the boys to join you. Jared grabbed three beers from the fridge, handing you and Jensen one each before taking a seat next to you, but further away than you would've liked. Jensen didn't take a drink, just stared intensely at the label on the bottle for a moment.

“Ok, well, I guess I should start by telling you where I was,” he started. “I've...I've been in rehab.”


	10. Nine

“Rehab?” you asked, eyebrow raised. Sure, Jensen liked a drink, you all did, but that didn't mean you had to check yourselves into rehab and you surely would've noticed if he had some kind of drug problem, so what the hell did he need to go to rehab for?

“Yeah I...I had an addiction,” he explained, although it wasn't an explanation at all.

“To _what?”_ you prompted. Jensen took a swig of his beer and you started to wonder if he should even have it in the first place. Aren't addicts meant to give up _everything_ addictive?

“Sex,” Jensen stated. Jared spluttered, his drink spraying out of his mouth in front of him.

“What? Jay, sex? Sex addiction isn't a real thing, surely,” you frowned.

“Trust me, I wish it wasn't,” he sighed.

“No, sex addiction isn't serious, it's just something married men claim to have when they get caught with their dick in someone other than their wife. You don't get to play that card,” you snapped. Jensen hung his head for a moment and sighed heavily. It wasn't that you wanted to be insensitive, you just couldn't quite believe it. It was just some bullshit excuse, right?

“Look, I know it sounds like some shitty excuse for what I put you through, but it's the truth and I can't give you any more than that. At first, I thought the same thing as you. I just thought I really fucking _loved_ sex. But then I cheated on you, Y/N. That's not me, that's not who I want to be.” Jensen swallowed hard, “not even Jared could talk me out of it and he fucking tried a lot.” You turned your head to Jared as the corner of his mouth pulled, eyebrows raised a little as if to validate Jensen's story. “I couldn't even go a whole weekend without sex, and I was going crazy, I needed to fuck something and at the time it didn't matter that it wasn't you.”

You didn't really want to hear all this, he was only making matters worse, rubbing salt in the large, gaping wound that you'd tried to sew up already. You didn't want to cry, you didn't want to let him get to you again, but you were close.

“So that was the first inkling I got that something was wrong,” he continued. “I was trying to get on top of it, I kept telling myself that I was just being stupid, I tried to control myself. And I didn't want to talk to either of you about it because I knew how stupid it sounded.” You suddenly felt bad. If Jensen was being serious, if he had really gone to rehab over this, then it obviously was something to take seriously. Maybe you needed to give him more credit.

“Jay, if you'd have come to us, either of us, with this when you were struggling, we would've helped you. I think what's hurt us is how you just vanished, no explanation, nothing,” Jared spoke up.

“I mean, I knew about the other women for a long time, I knew something was up, I just assumed you were using sex as a distraction, I didn't realise sex was the problem,” you added. Jensen looked down to his lap.

“I know, but I think I was in denial,” he confessed. The more you thought about it, now the initial shock had worn off, you realised how much sense it made.

“So that's why you left? Because I wouldn't fuck you? I mean, I know that's why, but it was because you actually really needed to right?” you asked. Jensen took another swig of beer.

“I'm not proud of it, Y/N, but I was desperate,” Jensen blushed, “I wanted to turn around and come home, but I slept with this girl in some seedy bar toilet cubicle and I was so ashamed...I felt so guilty I just started drinking and kept drinking. I couldn't face coming home.”

Tears filled his green eyes. You were choking on your own.

“So life was one big party for a whole week. I'm surprised girls didn't talk,” he sighed, rubbing a hand over his beard. “I knew I needed help when I almost...” he stopped, a deep blush on his face. He swallowed thickly and cleared his throat, “ _paid for it,”_ he barely mumbled out. Your eyes widened, looking at Jared who seemed just as speechless next to you. “So I checked myself into rehab,” he concluded, moving the conversation along quickly.

“So you've been in rehab all this time?” Jared asked.

“Not quite. I was in for 8 weeks at first. A few days after I came out that photo leaked,” he told you. It was your turn to blush. “I kinda...relapsed and went back in after a week,” he admitted.

“Jay, I'm so sorry, we were out and...” Jensen stopped you by holding his hand up.

“Honestly, Y/N, you don't owe me anything,” he told you calmly, “neither of you do.” You looked at Jared, who was staring intensely at his beer bottle, peeling the corner of the label. He looked guilty and you couldn't blame him, as calm as Jensen was being with the information that his best friend and ex girlfriend were now together, you still felt like you'd really fucked him over.

“Anyway, I've been out a couple of weeks now, and I finally felt ready to come back,” he concluded.

“Jay, I'm so sorry. If I'd have known...I just want you to know that this wasn't planned...neither of us expected...” Jared started. Jensen shook his head.

“Jar, I told you to look after her, this wasn't quite what I had in mind, but I get it. What I did wasn't cool and I told Y/N to move on, and she did.” Jensen seemed far too comfortable with it all. “I mean, I know you two better than I know anyone else. To be honest, I would've been surprised if this didn't happen,” he confessed. You frowned, hardly believing him. Hell, even you were surprised this had happened. “You two have always had something going on,” he told you.

You and Jared looked at each other confused for a second. Was it really that predictable? Were you and Jared just some cliché? Both recently single, both pissed off. A friends with benefits turned lovers... You almost scoffed to yourself, you were living the perfect chick flick plot line.

“Look, I just wanted to explain myself and say I'm sorry. Both of you, but mainly you, Y/N.” Jensen looked at you properly for the first time. You wanted to stick to your word when you told him nothing he could say would make this okay. But you couldn't.

You felt incredibly bad. You felt bad for him that he had gone through all that and suffered in silence. That you'd given him a hard time, probably making him worse. That you hadn't picked up on it, or realised sooner. You felt bad that you were so quick to move on and not just with anyone, with his best friend. Even though he didn't seem mad or even upset, you still felt sick with guilt. And you felt bad for Jared, that he was caught up in all this. You'd dragged him in and now he was stuck between his best friend and his girlfriend.

“Thank you for telling me the truth, Jay,” you spoke up. He just nodded, finishing his beer.

“I'll let you get back to...whatever,” he sighed, standing up. Jared stood up too.

“We're having a barbecue, if you want to stay?” he offered. You gulped, not sure you wanted Jensen sticking around right now. You had a lot to get your head around and you just wanted time alone.

“No, man, thanks, but I'm good. I've gotta sort some stuff out now I'm back,” Jensen smiled slightly. “Oh, Y/N, thank you for not making anything public, I know that must have been hard. Maybe we can get together soon and discuss how we want to approach this. Then you and Jared can...you know...be official.” He seemed to force the end of his sentence, and you knew that as hard as he was trying to be okay with all this, deep down he wasn't.

Jared walked him to the door and when he closed it behind Jensen, he turned around to face you a little speechless.

“That was...weird right?” he checked.   
“Yeah, I mean, it all makes sense but he was so cool with us...” you frowned.

“I know, I was expecting at least a punch in the face or something,” Jared added. You sighed heavily. It suddenly felt wrong that you were with Jared. Not that your relationship seemed wrong, but it just felt like you shouldn't be together now that Jensen was back. Jared's hazel eyes scanned your face for a moment as he sighed. “Y/N, we need to talk, don't we?”


	11. Ten

You opened a fresh bottle of beer and waited for Jared to speak. You're pretty sure you already knew what he was going to say. He was going to say that now Jensen was back, he couldn't be with you. _Bros before hoes_ and all that.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly. You shrugged, taking a long sip of your drink.

“It's a lot to take in,” you told him. “I mean, if being in rehab isn't a good enough excuse for going missing, what is?” you asked. “I just feel bad...that we're...” you stopped. You didn't want to insult him. You didn't regret what you had with him, you didn't want to let it go. But now Jensen was around, you were definitely conflicted.

You still loved Jensen a hell of a lot, as much as you did before he left. Seeing him had brought all of that back. But it wasn't as easy as walking away from Jared.

“Hey, I get it,” Jared reassured you, sitting alongside you, closer than he was earlier as he wrapped an arm around you. “That's what I wanted to talk to you about.” You took a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself for what you knew was coming. And you knew Jensen wouldn't want you back now that you'd betrayed him like you had. No matter how okay he could pretend to be, it wouldn't be long before it caught up with him and he hated the both of you.

“If you...If Jensen being back...” Jared kept stopping, sighing as he thought about what he was trying to say. “If, now that Jensen is back, you want to go back to him, I understand,” Jared told you.

“Jar...”

“Look, you two were perfect for each other before he went off the rails. I've liked you for a very long time, Y/N, but I never dreamed of doing anything about it because at first I had Kelly, but more importantly, you and Jay were so happy and I never wanted to ruin that.”

“I don't think we'd ever get that back, Jar,” you told him sadly.

“But if you want to try, I'm just saying, if that's what you want, if that's what will make you happy, then I want you to be with him. Let's just call this off now whilst it's new and before we're really serious about each other.”

You sighed heavily, taking another swig of beer.

“I think it's already too late for that, Jared,” you told him, blushing. Jared gave you a small smile and you knew he agreed. It was quick, but you had fallen for each other. “Honestly? I don't know what to do. Right now I couldn't possibly choose between you and I don't want to,” you confessed, deciding honesty was the best policy. “Because whoever I pick, one of you gets hurt and I don't win either way.” Jared sighed heavily next to you.

“I think you need to talk to Jensen privately,” he told you. You hated that Jared was so selfless and thoughtful. He was only making this harder. You almost wished he was selfish with you, jealous of the idea of you getting back with Jensen. What was wrong with these men? Why weren't they fighting for you? It was so frustrating in the most incredibly sweet way. They respected you and each other far too much.

*

Jensen's eyes widened when he opened the door and saw you stood there.

“Y/N,” he stammered, stepping to one side.

“I figured we should talk privately, after yesterday...” you told him. He nodded.

“Yeah, of course, you probably have a million and one questions,” he sighed, “want a drink? I've got beer or...water,” he laughed a little. You'd had enough beer for a while, especially after yesterday so you shook your head. “I didn't want to bombard you yesterday,” he admitted as he grabbed himself a beer and you got comfortable on the sofa. It was weird to be back home after a few months, although it hadn't felt like home since the night Jensen left. But now, seeing him sitting in his usual spot on the couch, it felt like home again.

“Listen, Y/N, again, I'm so sorry,” Jensen started.

“No, Jay, it's okay, I'm not here to have a go at you. I just have questions and I want to talk about what we do next,” you explained. Jensen nodded and took a deep breath, waiting for you to start.

“Look, I'm sorry too, I knew something was wrong, I assumed it was just the show ending, if I'd have known...”

“It's fine, sweetheart, what are your questions?” Jensen interrupted you. You took a deep breath and spent a moment gathering your thoughts, deciding what you wanted to ask and how to be sensitive about it.

“Ok, so I know you said you were addicted, and you went crazy, but I mean...what was it like?” You wanted to know what he went through, to understand better. Sex addiction was never something you'd taken seriously before, you thought it was just a lame excuse that people used to cheat or fuck around. Which was why it had never been a possibility in your mind.

“Well, I started to want to do it a lot more, I would crave it. Overtime it got worse, if I didn't have it I'd feel shaky and I'd feel like my mind was going. It's all I could think about, all I cared about,” he explained.

“So what, you can't have sex ever again?” you asked.

“No, nothing like that, I just have to keep myself under control. A lot of it is therapy. So you were right when you said that I was using sex to deal with some issues. I was using it to feel validated, with the show ending, I just felt like I had nothing left, that people wouldn't love me any more. But sex helped me feel good about myself again, and that's what got addictive. So therapy helped me through that and I wasn't allowed to have sex for 90 days as part of the programme, which I managed. And then I felt okay enough to come back.”

“So that's it? You're cured?”

“Not quite, I still have meetings I go to and one on one therapy,” he explained. You just nodded your head. It was a lot to take in, but it sounded like he was on top of it.

“Can I ask you a question?” Jensen spoke up after a moment.

“Sure,” you nodded.

“You say you knew about the other girls, why didn't you say anything before? Why didn't you leave?” he asked. You shrugged a little.

“If I'm perfectly honest, the thought of you fucking other girls had never bothered me. I know it should've but it didn't. If you wanted to have a one night stand with some girl you were never going to see again, then fine. I knew it was meaningless. If you'd have been fucking the same girl, or having a romantic affair it would've been different,” you told him. You knew your attitude towards cheating wasn't conventional, it never had been.

“Why aren't you more pissed off about me and Jared?” you asked next. Jensen finished his beer and wiped his lips with his fingers.

“Honestly? I was. Really pissed. When I saw the photo of you kissing even with your statements. I just knew something was probably going on. I knew Jared liked you and the way you two have always been with each other...I guess I saw it coming. I went off the rails again, and when I went back into rehab we talked about it in therapy a lot, and I think that, along with having 4 months to process it has helped. It was hard seeing you both yesterday, but I get it, I really do. I fucked up, Y/N, I've lost you I know that. And Jared is the most amazing guy I know, if you were moving on with anyone then it should be him.”

“You've not lost me, Jay,” you confessed. He frowned a little as he looked at you. “Look, I want to be with you, I still love you a hell of a lot. I don't want this to be over between us, but...” you took a deep breath, “but I also love Jared now,” you admitted. “And I can't choose between you, I just can't. I didn't sleep a wink last night just thinking about it. I'm gonna end up hurting one of you if I do, and I honestly don't know what to do. So the only thing that I can do is be with neither of you,” you sniffled, feeling the tears run down your cheeks. You'd already had this same conversation with Jared this morning, but the second time wasn't any easier. “This is the only fair way I can think to do it.” You wiped your cheeks, “just promise me Jay, that we can still be friends and hang out like we used to,” you pleaded. “I don't want to lose either of you.”

“I won't go anywhere, sweetheart, I promise.”


	12. Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so bad at updating my Ao3 I'm sorry!!

It had been a week since Jensen had shown up on Jared’s doorstep. A whole week since you broke things off, officially, with both of them. You were still living with Jared, but sleeping in one of his spare rooms now. It was a little weird at first, but the two of you got on so well that it didn’t take very long to get past the awkwardness and just get back to the goofy best friends you were. The only difference being you wanted to kiss him a lot more than you did before. But that was messy and couldn’t happen. Not without upsetting Jensen and that was the last thing you wanted.

In an attempt to get back to normal, you’d invited Jensen over for a barbecue and some drinks. You just wanted everything to go back to the way it was, but you knew it never would, not completely. You couldn’t ignore your new found feelings for Jared, none of you could, so things couldn’t go back to normal. And things couldn’t continue like they were before Jensen came back, because you couldn’t pretend you were over him either.

You were a little anxious for Jay to arrive. You didn’t want it to be awkward, you wanted this to work. You needed this to work. You needed your boys back. When Jensen arrived, he’d brought with him a couple packs of beers and his swimming trunks. It was a very hot day, so taking a dip in the pool seemed sensible. For the first two minutes, it was a little weird. But Jared soon cracked a joke about Jensen fancying a sausage and the ice was broken.

You snuck off upstairs to get changed into your bikini and when you came back down, the boys were both topless, laying on a sun lounger each, chatting about something to do with the show. You stood at the edge of the pool and combed your hair back into a bun. Slowly dipping a toe into the refreshing water, you judged if you wanted to dive in. You noticed it was silent and looked over to see both boys staring at you. You smirked a little to yourself and pretended you hadn’t noticed. That was something you definitely didn’t need to get used to. You were loving the attention.

You slowly sat down on the pool’s edge, deciding to tease them a little. Okay, so it was totally unfair to all three of you to tease, and maybe with Jensen’s recovery it was a little cruel even, but they didn’t seem to mind.

“Jar, pass me a beer will you?” you asked, smiling sweetly.

“Sure thing, doll,” he smirked, getting up and walking over to you, handing you the icy cold refreshment after twisting the cap off. You thanked him softly and held the bottle between your breasts to help you cool off.

“Wow it’s hot today,” you complained. “Jen? Will you be a babe and put some lotion on my back? Don’t want to burn…” Jensen cocked an eyebrow as he grabbed the lotion they’d both been using and walked slowly towards you.

As his large hands worked in the cream you felt his mouth by your ear.

“What you playing at, sweetheart? Trying to make this harder than it already is?” You could practically hear the smirk on his lips, so you knew you’d not pushed him too hard and bit back a chuckle.

“Don’t know what you’re on about,” you feigned innocence. He continued to rub in the lotion, breath hot on the back of your neck for a second.

“Don’t be a cock tease,” he warned you with a growl. You smirked to yourself and leaned back on your hands once he was done.  
  


Jared started cooking the food shortly after.

“What does everyone want?” he asked.

“I’ll have a sausage and a burger to start with,” Jensen announced from his sun lounger.

“Of course you want a sausage, we’ve already established that,” Jared teased. You laughed.

“Dude, that joke is old,” Jensen complained with a smirk.

“Still gets a laugh every time,” Jared pointed out with a wink. You rolled your eyes at them both, kicking your feet back and forth in the water.

“Well I want two sausages,” you announced.  
  


You waited a beat before you judged their reactions to your not so subtle joke. Both men had an eyebrow raised, two handsome faces looking a little speechless.

“What? I’m not allowed to make dick jokes?” you laughed. Jared was the first to break, laughing with his head tipped back.

“You’re something else, sweetheart,” he chuckled, going back to flipping burgers. Jensen held your gaze for a second longer. He knew you better than anyone, he knew exactly what that joke meant.

Ever since the thought had entered your mind, it hadn’t left. You knew it was never going to happen, of course, but you couldn’t stop thinking about what it would be like to have both men. The best of both worlds. No choosing sides, hurting the other one. But as close as those boys were, sharing a girlfriend probably wasn’t on the bromance check list. Still, you could dream. You bit down on your bottom lip for a second and offered Jensen a smile before taking a swig of your beer.  
  


*  
  


Jensen was a little quieter than usual for the rest of the day and as the darkness drew in and the garden lights that were dotted around started to glow, you realised you’d had several too many beers. Jared had been goofing around as per usual, and Jensen was fiddling with his guitar, plucking some tunes out and humming under his breath now and then. You loved Jensen’s voice, it was simply perfect and as you lay back in your chair and stared up at the perfectly clear starry sky, you decided you could die happy like this.

“Never have I ever,” Jared announced, “go go go,” he encouraged, slapping his hand down on the garden table. You giggled, rolling your eyes.

“Fuck I’m gonna get so drunk,” Jensen complained. “What are we, 18?” he cocked an eyebrow at Jared.

“Come on…” Jared teased.

“Alright fine,” Jensen agreed, grabbing his beer.

“Never have I ever…cried after sex,” Jensen announced. You took a swig, knowing full well Jensen knew that you had. The condom had broke very early on in your relationship and you were mortified. Something you laughed about a lot now.  
“Ok, Mr Ackles, you can drink too,” you demanded. “What about that time when you said it was really _raw and emotional?_ ” you teased. Jared was wetting himself as Jensen begrudgingly took a swig, his plan clearly backfiring. He must’ve forgotten about that, or at least hoped you had.

“Ok, never have I ever…fucked a married man…or woman,” you added for your company’s sakes. Both boys drank and you rolled your eyes. You didn’t even want to know.

“In my defence,” Jared spoke up, “I didn’t know until afterwards.”  
  


“Alright, I’ve got one…never have I ever been down on a girl in public,” Jared smirked over at Jensen as your cheeks burned. Of course Jensen told him about that. Jensen laughed and took a swig.

“Never have I ever…done anal.” All three of you drank and Jared scolded Jay for being so generic.

“Ok fine, I’ll do another one…never have I ever…made a porno…”

“Drink right now, Miss Y/L/N, I’ve still got the proof,” Jensen called over to you after drinking.

“How could I forget, Director Ackles,” you teased before taking a drink.

“What? I wanna see it,” Jared gasped with a smirk. All three of you laughed.

“I’ve not seen it but it probably isn’t sexy,” you warned him.

“Oh I bet it is,” Jared teased.

“I have seen it, many _many_ times and it really is, I’ll send it to you,” Jay winked.

“Boys!” You warned.

“What?” Jensen and Jared said in unison.

“We’ve both been there,” Jensen pointed out, addressing the elephant in the room. It wasn’t as uncomfortable as you thought.

“Ha! Never have I ever had sex with everyone here,” Jared called out, breaking any possible tension that Jensen’s comment might have caused.

“Fuck you,” you smirked behind your bottle, finishing it and grabbing another.  
  


The game went on a little longer. Clearly, Jensen was trying to get you drunk for some reason because every time he took a go, he’d say something he knew you’d have to drink for.

“Never have I ever had a threesome,” you announced, looking between the two men to see them both drinking. “Wait, what? When?” you asked Jensen, before realising where he’d been for six months. “Don’t worry,” you added quickly.

“Actually…we’ve had a threesome,” Jared told you, pointing between him and Jensen.

“Really? With who?” you asked, eyes wide.

“Just some girl. It was when we first started filming. We went out for a few drinks and it just happened,” Jared told you.

“Jay, why didn’t you ever tell me?” you asked.

“We’d just started talking I didn’t want you to think I was a player,” he shrugged.  
  


You took a moment to really chew over the new information, your daydream of being with both men seeming more vivid than ever. 

“So you two…how was it?” you asked curiously.

“I enjoyed it,” Jared shrugged. Jensen pouted and nodded his head.

“Yeah it was hot,” he agreed.

“Did you two…you know…”

“No!”

“God no!” Both boys shook their heads quickly.

“All about her,” Jensen told you.  
  


“So, what did you…how did you…” You had so many questions.

“You wanna know all the dirty details?” Jensen smirked. You took a swig of your beer as you felt yourself getting hot and flustered. “Or, we could…” Jensen’s green eyes drifted over to Jared as you waited on baited breath for him to finish his sentence, “show her,” he concluded. He stared at Jared now, and Jared smirked, staring back for a second.

“You sure, man?” Jared checked, “you good?”

“I’m good, man,” Jensen nodded before looking back to you. “What do you say, sweetheart?”


	13. Twelve

Your heart was thumping in your chest as you looked between the two boys.

“Are you…are you serious?” you checked. Jensen smirked and you were waiting for them to tell you that they were just playing an incredibly cruel joke on you.

“Why not?” Jared asked, no hint of joking on his face. “You’ve slept with both of us before, right?” he pointed out.

“Yeah, but…” you stopped, why were you arguing about this? “Are you sure?” you checked again.

Jared laughed softly, “yes, sweetheart.” You looked back to Jensen.

“I wouldn’t have suggested it if I wasn’t serious,” Jensen reassured you. You were still skeptical that they were going to change their minds once you said yes, but you also weren’t about to let this opportunity pass you by. They might never want to do this again.

“Ok,” you agreed.

Jared had ordered you to go to his room, he said he’d follow you up once he’d locked up and grabbed you all fresh drinks. Jensen was hot on your heels as you climbed the stairs and lead the way to Jared’s room. You were nervous, despite having been intimate with both of them before, being with them _together_ was going to be totally new. What if it was awkward? You were nervous about being with Jared in front of Jensen, but if he was jealous of the thought of seeing you both together, he wouldn’t have suggested this in the first place, right?  
  


As you got to Jared’s room you turned around and stood in front of his enormous bed.

“Jay?” you almost whispered. Jensen came and stood in front of you, arms wrapping around your waist. It was the closest you’d been since he left. You inhaled his smell and smiled happily for a second. You’d missed him so much. “Are you sure this is okay?” you asked, “I mean, with rehab and…” Jensen silenced you by nodding.

“I’m good baby girl, I’ve got it under control, and Jared will be here to help out,” he winked. You giggled softly.

“As long as you’re sure, I don’t want this to ruin anything,” you told him softly.

“I’m good, I promise. If I’m not, I’ll say pimple,” he smirked.

“Pimple?” you chuckled, “you’re such a dork sometimes,” you shook your head. Jensen’s hands reached up for your face slowly.

“I’ve missed you, sweetheart,” he whispered.

“Me too, Jay,” you told him with a blush, before feeling his plump pillowy lips on yours.  
  


You’d forgotten how much you’d missed kissing him. How good he was at it as his fingers dug into the spaces behind your ears, holding your face as you kissed slow and passionate. You wrapped your arms around his neck, his tongue tracing your bottom lip as you opened your mouth a little and let him in. You were disturbed by Jared’s door opening as he slowly came in, three tumblers of whiskey carefully balanced between his long fingers, the bottle for refills underarm. His hazel eyes landed on you and Jensen and your affectionate position and smirked.  
  


“Starting the fun without me?” he teased. You giggled, grabbing your glass from him as Jensen did the same. You took a sip of the warm, sweet liquid. You could definitely do with another shot of liquid courage now Jared was here too. It was real. This was really happening. Jared placed the bottle on top of one of his sideboards, downed his drink in one and set his glass next to the bottle. Turning around he slowly took your glass away, placing it next to his. His long fingers combed through your hair as he tilted your head back and bent his head down to kiss you.  
  


As soon as his lips met yours, you felt the nerves melt away. It all just felt right, somehow. You felt Jensen’s hands trail lightly over the dip of your waist and Jared pulled back, smiling down at you for a moment before carefully turning you around in his arms to face Jensen. You were quick to kiss him again.

“Jared been treating you right, baby?” Jensen asked you, a low rumble against your lips.

“Mhm, been really good to me,” you whispered, biting down on your bottom lip as you looked up at him through your lashes.  
  


You felt Jared’s lips at the back of your neck, his tall hard body pressed up tightly behind you.

“Why don’t you show me?” Jensen asked. You couldn’t believe Jensen wanted to watch you and Jared together, but he looked past you to Jared and smirked a little as they did what they do best and exchanged a silent conversation. Jared wrapped an arm around your chest, holding you against him with no room for movement. His lips and teeth were attacking the side of your neck as you whimpered. His other arm was quick to start exploring your body, rubbing over your stomach, up to your breasts.  
  


You watched as Jensen took one of the large armchairs by the window, in the corner of the room, nursing his whiskey slowly as his green eyes didn’t leave you. Knowing he was watching, knowing he wanted to see this, was an incredible turn on. Jared was quick to turn you around in his arms, his hands ripping your shirt over your head. You’d grown to love Jared’s heavy handedness as much as you’d always loved Jensen’s. He reached behind him, and pulled his top over his head too.  
  


You would never tire of seeing Jared’s body. Your fingers instinctively reached out to trace the dips and curves of his muscles as you chewed on your bottom lip. Jared picked you up in his arms, your legs automatically wrapping around his waist as he walked you the few paces to his bed and threw you down onto it. You squealed, prompting Jared to smirk as he quickly worked on getting your trousers off. He ripped them down your legs and threw them behind him.  
  


Jared’s hand slowly traced up the inside of your leg as he climbed onto his knees on the bed, between your legs. The arousal was literally pouring out of you as you waited for him to reach his destination. You were whimpering, bucking your hips slightly as you leaned back on your elbows and tipped your head back.

“Oh fuck, Jar, please,” you begged with shaky breath.

“He teasing you, sweetheart?” the low baritone bled from the corner of the room. You’d almost forgotten he was even there. Your head snapped to Jensen, he was rubbing over the lump in the front of his trousers and the sight alone was making matters much _much_ worse. Your body trembled.

“Mhm,” was all you were able to get out, nodding your head.  
  


Jared chuckled, fingers finally brushing ever so gently along the front of your soaked panties.

“Gotta make her work for it, Jay,” Jared called over, “and look at the mess you’ve made, baby girl,” Jared tutted, “bet you can’t wait to have two cocks huh?” he teased.

“N-no,” you stammered. A deep groan bled through the distance between you and the window.

“Shall we show Jay how hard I can make you cum on my fingers?” Jared asked you, a mischievous grin on his lips.

“Oh fuck,” you breathed out, tipping your head back again as you felt Jared peeling your panties away from your slick, down your legs.  
  


Your legs were bent at the knee, feet on the bed until Jared pushed your one thigh flat to the mattress, you assumed to give Jensen a better view as he used his other hand to slowly start working your clit. You could see the bulge in Jared’s trousers, much like the one in Jensen’s. Jared slowly dipped two fingers down to your entrance, teasing the edges for a moment.

“Please, Jar,” you begged again.

“Tell me what you want, baby girl,” he prompted. You turned your head to look at Jay.

“You want him to fuck you with his fingers?” Jensen asked. You nodded. “How many, sweetheart? 2? Or you gonna be a good girl and take 3?” he smirked.

You whimpered as you looked back at Jared.

“Hm, three sounds good,” Jared agreed, “get you nice and ready for our cocks,” he smirked as he slowly sunk one finger, knuckle deep into your warmth. You moaned loudly, fists gripping the bedsheets. He was quick to add the second as he curled them upwards as your mouth fell open. Jared pulled out a little and added a third finger.  
  


“Look at that, three fingers,” he praised, “stretching you open,” he smirked.

“Oh fuck,” you collapsed onto your back as you stared up at the ceiling. Without warning you felt the warm, wet of his tongue pressed against your clit. “Holy…Jared,” you gasped, hand flying to the back of his head.

“You look so fucking good strung out for Jared, baby girl,” Jensen told you and when you turned to look at him, he was getting up, pulling his shirt over his head as he stalked towards the bed. He leaned over, capturing your lips with his, his hand rubbing along your stomach up to your breast as he squeezed gently. “You gonna cum for him?” he whispered, green eyes intense on you.  
  


You licked your lips, feeling the coil that Jared was tightening, Jensen touching you, kissing you whilst Jared fucked you with his fingers and teased your clit with his tongue. You nodded at Jensen who smirked at your response.

“Go on, baby, cum on Jared’s fingers,” he encouraged. You don’t think you’d ever been more aroused. Your climax was building so quick and intense. You needed them, both of them. You needed more than fingers, you needed more than mouths. You needed more, you needed… 

“Oh fuck,” you squealed, feeling yourself come undone beneath the two men.

“Fuck, that was hot,” Jensen smirked. The fact that he was finding this such a turn on only made it even hotter for you. His erection was begging for release behind his jeans, you could almost see it throbbing. You reached out for it and ran your palm along the bulge. Jensen hissed, bucking his hips forward. You felt Jared kissing up your body before he sat back on his heels and started to undo his trousers. Jensen stepped back from you with a smirk as he too worked on unbuttoning his jeans.  
  


You rested back on your elbows as you looked between the two men, muscly, tanned torsos on full display, and within seconds, both hard erections were in full view too. You didn’t know where to look first. You felt Jared climb off the bed and so you took in Jensen first, it had been too long. He straightened to full height after climbing out of his trousers. A smirk curled over his lips as he took himself in his hand. His cock was leaking pre cum as he worked himself.

“Missed me, baby girl?” he asked. Drawing your bottom lip into your mouth you nodded. You felt the bed dip and turned your head to see Jared climbing back between your legs, completely naked now.

“Oh, don’t worry, Stack-” Jensen smirked at Jared’s nickname for him, “-I kept her plenty satisfied since you’ve been gone,” Jared smirked down at you, grabbing your ankles as he pulled you closer to him. You whimpered, falling flat on your back.

“I can see that,” Jensen mused, “guess you don’t need this then, huh baby?” he teased, waving his erection a little in his hand.

“No, please, Jay,” you begged. He laughed a little and looked to Jared.

“Listen to how desperate she is,” he smirked. Jared settled between your legs, dragging his weeping head through your slick.  
  


“She wanted us to show her how we take care of a girl, so she’s gonna have to learn to play by our rules,” Jared noted. God, the teasing was going to kill you. Jared and Jensen shared another silent conversation with one quick look to each other before they seemingly settled into their positions. Jared’s cock nudging against your entrance and Jensen right by your head.

“Jared’s a stickler for rules,” Jensen told you with a twisted smile. Jared’s hand reached up and turned your face to look at him.

“Oh baby, you think I’ve been good to you? You’ve not seen anything yet,” Jared promised, sinking straight into you in one quick, easy motion as Jensen swallowed your moan with a searing kiss.


	14. Thirteen

Jensen’s lips were kissing, sucking and biting along your neck and shoulder like he was starved. It was sending shocks of hot electric right down to your core where Jared was fucking into you. Jared had gotten good at knowing your body, he knew that if he gripped your hips and pushed them down into the mattress as he fucked you, he’d hit your sweet spot just right and the coil that hadn’t long snapped would be tightening again.

Jensen knew you well enough to know that your one hand on the back of his head, fingertips squeezing as your mouth opened wide and you struggled to breathe, meant you were close to another orgasm and he chuckled a little as he took you in.

“Gonna cum for us again, sweetheart? Gonna cum on Jared’s cock?” he mumbled, thumb brushing over your lips. You nodded.

“Uh huh, yes,” you squealed, briefly looking to Jared who was smirking as he fucked into you, clearly proud of his work, “oh fuck, Jar, yeah right there,” you encouraged.

Jensen’s hand slid down your torso, fingertips finding your clit as he worked it exactly how he knew you liked it and you felt yourself coming undone for them both, again.

“Fuck she is so fucking tight when she cums like that,” Jared gasped.

“It’s a good pussy,” Jensen agreed, green eyes not leaving your face, “always been my favourite,” he smirked.

“Hm, it’s becoming mine too,” Jared laughed breathless. “Want a turn?” Jared asked.

“Nah, dude, I’m good for a moment,” Jensen told him, biting down on his plump lower lip, “you keep giving her those orgasms.” You bit your lip and reached up to wrap your hand around Jensen, fingers not even meeting thanks to the thickness as you licked your lips and looked up at him through your lashes.

“Let me know when and I’ll cum in that pretty mouth.”

“He’s fucking me so good, Jay,” you told him, breathless and whiny, “feels so good,” you added. You could see the way Jensen was responding to Jared taking care of you, how his eyes darkened with lust, how his cock twitched in your hand. This was a side of Jensen you didn’t know existed, a side that was, strangely, an incredible turn on. You wondered if he was always like this, or if he was holding back to keep control. Either way, he didn’t seem like he thought he was missing out one bit.

“I can see,” he chuckled, hand reaching to wipe your hair out of your sweaty face. You glanced back down at his cock as your hand worked it back and forth. You didn’t want to push him. Anyway, he seemed to be enjoying calling the shots. “Want to taste sweetheart?”

You didn’t respond, just reached forward and quickly wrapped your lips around him, tasting the saltiness of his pre cum, feeling the warm smooth velvet of his tip against your tongue. He groaned loudly, hand reaching the back of your head to help out.

“Fuck that looks good,” Jared told you both, hands now spreading your thighs wider apart, pinning them to the mattress as he changed his position a little again. This time he was only teasing your sweet spot, dragging your orgasm out of you kicking and screaming at such a slow pace, you could feel your head get fuzzy.

You were whining around Jensen, bucking your hips in a bid to get Jared to fuck you how you wanted. But he was suddenly in a teasing mood, apparently.

“What do you want, baby girl?” Jensen prompted, withdrawing from your mouth to let you speak.

“I want Jared to fuck me,” you complained.

“I am fucking you,” Jared laughed.

“No, please Jar, hard like before,” you begged. Jensen looked over at Jared with a smirk as they exchanged another look between themselves.

“She’s so needy, isn’t she?” Jared commented. Jensen laughed a little as he slowly started to fuck into your mouth again.

“Fuck, Jar, forgot how good this mouth is,” Jensen growled.

“I do enjoy it,” Jared agreed. You moaned around the intrusion and kept rolling your hips in a desperate attempt to tease Jared.

“Wanna take over?” Jensen asked. Jared pulled out of you, leaving you feeling very empty, although you figured that feeling wouldn’t last long, and spanked the side of your ass before he climbed off the bed.  
  


Jensen removed himself from your mouth with a pop and bit down on his bottom lip as he stared down at you for a moment before he moved around the bed to the end and Jared came closer to your head. The bed dipped as Jensen climbed onto it and grabbed your legs, encouraging you to turn over. You scrambled onto your hands and knees in compliance, pushing your hips back as you wiggled your ass a little. You earned yourself a spank from the older man as you looked over your shoulder and bit your lip.

“So naughty, baby girl, fuck I’ve missed you. And I’ve missed this,” Jensen’s hand reached between your legs, his thumb brushing up through your slick.

You trembled beneath his touch as the pad of his thumb flicked over your sensitive clit and waited on baited breath. You couldn’t wait to feel him inside you again. How he stretched you and filled you so perfectly. He teased at your opening with his tip, dipping in and out ever so slightly.

“Please Jay, please fuck me,” you begged, pushing back on your hands and knees. Jensen hissed, working his way inside slowly. The fact he was thicker than Jared meant you were still tight and he took some getting used to. 

You’d missed this. You’d missed the feeling of him inside you. He felt so different to Jared and you loved them both for different reasons. You felt Jensen’s hand curl around to your hip, squeezing as he pulled you back until he was fully seated. Your arms gave way as you moaned loudly, eyes fluttering closed as you felt the bed dip in front of you. Jared was climbing onto it, legs straddling either side of your shoulders. You lifted yourself a little to allow him the room he needed to get comfortable. His cock lay hard and flat up his stomach, slick with your juices.

“You’ve got some cleaning up to do, baby girl,” Jared smirked down at you. His toned body was glistening with sweat, it was far too hot to be doing this kind of thing with this many people but fuck, you were not stopping for anything. You’d never been more aroused in your life. You never wanted this to end. His large hand combed through your hair and pushed it back out of your face as you slowly lowered your face to his body. You licked up his shaft teasingly, looking up at him through your lashes with a cheeky grin.

“Don’t be a fucking tease, sweetheart,” Jared warned you with a growl. You pulled back a little and smirked.

“Not fun, is it?” you asked him. His hazel eyes narrowed. You felt Jensen’s hand squeeze the back of your neck, pushing you back down to Jared’s body.

“You heard him, don’t be a tease,” Jensen snapped, a spank coming down onto the side of your ass from his other hand. You squealed and quickly took Jared into your mouth. Jared’s head tipped back against the headboard as he moaned loudly.

“Fuck that’s it, baby,” he praised.

“Good girl,” you heard Jensen purr.

You rocked your entire body, Jared slipping through your lips easily enough as you sucked and swirled your tongue around him, all whilst fucking back into Jensen.

“Oh, fuck, I’m gonna cum,” Jared grunted. You made sure not to let up, not until he was cumming, hot and salty down the back of your throat. You sucked your way back to the tip with one final clean up as you swallowed what he’d given you. Jared laid back, chest heaving for a moment as he recovered. You could finally give Jensen your undivided attention like Jared had had at the start of this. Your hands gripped the tops of Jared’s thighs for support as you moaned and mewled with the way Jay was fucking into you.

Jensen’s hand lay flat on the base of your back, encouraging you to arch your ass up, chest on the bed. The new angle was delicious, one of your favourites, which Jensen knew well. Your eyes were closed, head hung low between your shoulders as you basked in the feeling of being with two of the most gorgeous men you’d ever known. Naked and strung out just for both of them. Your attention was brought back to Jared as you felt his hand slip down your body, fingers working your clit. You were sensitive and you weren’t sure you could even cum again, but that didn’t stop either man from trying.

“Come on, baby girl,” Jensen encouraged, “I know you’ve got it in you.”

“Gotta cum for us,” Jared added, his face close to yours as you kissed him lazily on the mouth. The exhaustion was setting in and as much as you didn’t want this to end, you also really wanted to crash. “One last time,” he added.

“Want you to cum on my cock,” Jensen grunted, fucking you harder still. Biting down on your bottom lip you closed your eyes and felt the build up. Neither of them let up until you were squeezing Jared’s thighs so hard you were surprised he wasn’t complaining.

“Oh fuck I’m…” You couldn’t even finish your sentence.

“That’s it, come on.”

“Fucking cum.” Both boys were encouraging you, eager for you to come apart one last time for them. Your whole body tensed and then relaxed once the orgasm hit.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck,” you gasped, feeling yourself pulse around Jensen. Jared’s hand slipped away from your body as he grabbed your face and kissed you deeply.

“Holy…fuck,” Jensen groaned loudly and stilled, slowly pulling out, his body collapsing over yours for a moment. He kissed the back of your shoulder as he panted. “You good?” He finally asked. Jared was looking at you, his thumb brushing along your cheek.

“Yeah, so good,” you smiled happily.

“Me too,” Jensen agreed. “J-Rod?” he added as he rolled off of you and onto the bed next to you both.

“I’m fucking perfect, Stack,” Jared smirked, kissing your forehead as he attempted to climb from underneath you carefully.  
  


You rolled onto your back, Jared laying the other side of you as you all stared at the ceiling and recovered. Your mind was spinning. You were pretty sure the alcohol in your system was long gone. Now you were buzzed from adrenaline and multiple orgasms. You started to laugh, just a giggle at first but it quickly turned into a full on belly laugh. You could feel both men turn their heads to look at you.

“Care to share with the rest of the class?” Jensen asked, amused. Jared laughed a little at you.

“I just never, _ever_ thought that would happen. But fuck that was the best time of my life,” you admitted. “You make quite the team,” you smirked, turning your head both ways to look at them both in turn.

Jared was the first to crack up laughing, very shortly followed by Jensen as the three of you lay there, completely naked, totally spent and utterly exhausted. 


	15. Fourteen

You woke up with a smile on your face, already replaying last night in your mind as a long arm lay lazily over your waist. You knew it was Jared’s and reached to stroke it gently, turning your head towards him and kissing his cheek. As you slowly opened your eyes and let them adjust to the morning glow, you turned your head to find Jensen but the space the other side of you was empty. You sat up a little, Jared’s arm slipping down your body as he disturbed and blinked his hazel eyes open.

“Everything okay, sweetheart?” he asked sleepily.

“Jay’s gone,” you told him.

“Probably getting breakfast or something,” Jared yawned, wrapping his arm around you again.

“Yeah, probably,” you nodded, sighing softly. You were a little disappointed that he wasn’t there when you woke up, you’d been looking forward to that when you fell asleep last night. Turning your head to look at Jared again you smiled slightly. His hair was brushed over his eyes a little and he looked so peaceful. You’d missed waking up next to him too, but not quite as much as you had Jensen.  
  


You kissed his cheek again and gently slipped out of bed, grabbing a t shirt off the floor to pull on. It was Jared’s and smelled like him. It hit the top of your thigh but it was enough. It wasn’t like either men hadn’t seen you at your most intimate already.

“And then there was one,” you heard, coming from the bed. You turned and saw Jared ruffling his hair out of his face as he propped his top half up on his arm.

“Just gonna get some coffee and go say morning to Jay. Want something?” you asked.

“It’s okay, I’ll be down in a moment, anyway,” Jared smiled.  
  


The house was silent as you made your way downstairs and you were surprised to see Jensen wasn’t in the kitchen or the living area. You glanced around for him, but decided to make yourself a coffee first. Maybe he was outside for some fresh air, or maybe he was in the shower and used the main bathroom so he didn’t wake you and Jared. There were lots of places he could be. It didn’t mean he’d left you again. Anyway, you were getting ahead of yourself. Last night was a one off. It was probably never going to happen again and you had to be okay with that.  
  


Jensen was a free man, he could sneak out after a one night stand if he wanted. Although, it made you feel pretty shitty. You and Jared weren’t just anyone. You were his best friends. What if he was feeling really awkward about what had happened? What if he decided it was a big mistake? What if seeing you with Jared was too much for him? But he seemed to enjoy it so much last night. Hell, you all fell asleep giggling and chatting, everything was _perfect_ before you drifted off. Nothing was awkward, nothing felt wrong or bad. So what had changed?

What if it was too much for him and he’s had to check himself back into rehab?  
  


“You okay?” Jared’s voice cut through your million thoughts as you looked up from the coffee pot and the empty mug in your hands.

“Yeah…I just…I think Jensen’s skipped out on us,” you told him. Jared’s eyes glanced around the room as he approached the breakfast bar.

“No sign of him?” he asked, taking a seat on one of the stools. You shook your head. “Well, maybe he’s gone home,” he shrugged, not seeming too worried.

“What if we pushed him too far last night, Jar?” you asked, your brow furrowing.

“I’m sure he’s fine, darling, he’s probably just gone home and he’ll call us later,” Jared tried to reassure you.

“If I thought that it might’ve ended badly I would never have…what if he doesn’t want to know me any more?” You felt tears fill your eyes.

“Doll, you’re overthinking this,” Jared sighed, getting up off his stool as he came around to your side of the bar and pulled you into him. “Last night was amazing, we all had fun right? He was fine afterwards,” Jared reminded you. You nodded slowly against his chest.

“You’re right,” you agreed after a moment. “I’m being stupid, I guess I’m just paranoid, I’ve never done something like that before,” you blushed.

“You were amazing,” Jared told you with a small smile before kissing your forehead.

“So would you…” you trailed off, “would you want to do it again?” you asked quietly. Jared smirked down at you for a moment. He didn’t reply straight away which made you nervous.

“Yeah, I think I would,” he nodded, “if Jensen was up for it,” he added.

“Of course,” you agreed. “Well, we should probably check in with him.” You grabbed your phone and shot him a quick text.

_Morning, you. Can’t believe you hit it and quit it on us last night! :( x_   
  


You’d showered and gotten dried and dressed, checking your phone every minute or two for a reply from Jensen but there was nothing. It was all too reminiscent of when he left you six months ago and, knowing what you knew now, you grew increasingly anxious. He promised you if it got too much he’d say, and he hadn’t. But what if it had snuck up on him? What if, last night, he was caught up in the moment and now that moment had passed he realised he was actually struggling? You couldn’t live with yourself if you’d made him relapse.  
  


You tried to call his phone but you were sent to voicemail. Something wasn’t sitting right with you and it made you uncomfortable.

“I’m just gonna go over to his, make sure he’s okay,” you told Jared. You couldn’t sit around, you just needed to know Jensen was okay.

“Okay, want me to come?” Jared asked. You nodded your head and he smiled softly. “Alright, you got it, I’ll drive,” he offered. You checked Jensen’s Instagram as you headed out, but there was still nothing.

“I know I’m probably overreacting, I just can’t shake this feeling. Maybe it’s just because of last time,” you told Jared as you climbed into his car.

“I get it. Well it’s not gonna hurt to check on him, right?”  
  


*

You peered through the window, but it seemed empty. You dug in your pocket for your keys and let you and Jared in. You were sure Jensen wouldn’t mind. It was your home up until only a few months ago. You and Jared scanned the downstairs briefly, but there was no sign of him. Jared checked upstairs whilst you checked through some of Jay’s mail. You could see paperwork on the side, leaflets on top and you couldn’t help but look.

_Managing sex addiction in the real world_

_How to keep control of your addiction_

_The 90 day abstinence guide  
_

You thumbed through each hand out just a little, not really sure what you were looking for, but it made you sad that it had gotten to this point for him. And that you had never realised it yourself. You hated that you’d never taken sex addiction seriously before, when it was clearly a very real problem for some people. The more you thought about the night before the more anxious you felt. Jensen might have thought that it was ok, that he was in control, but what if he wasn’t?  
  


Why did any of you think that having a threesome as his first time after rehab was a good idea? You leaned against the worktop and held your face in your hands as you drew deep breaths. He was gone, you just knew it. You’d finally got him back, finally got a little piece of normal and you had to fuck it up again with sex.

“No sign of him upstairs,” Jared told you as he came back down the stairs. You sighed heavily and hung your head low between your shoulders.

“We’ve fucked up, Jar,” you told him.

“We don’t know that, Y/N, he wanted to do it. He was the one that suggested it, we weren’t to know it was too much for him,” Jared rationalised.

“No, but we should’ve been better friends. We should’ve said no. If it was alcohol and he tried to justify having one drink, we still wouldn’t let him, would we?” you asked.

“That’s different, Y/N,” Jared told you.

“Is it? It’s still addiction, he still had to go to rehab,” you pointed out.

“Look, I know you’re upset right now, but there’s nothing we can do about it any more,” Jared told you, voice raising. You’d never argued with Jared before, and you never wanted to, but tension was running high.  
  


You took a deep breath and tried to calm down. This wasn’t Jared’s fault. This wasn’t anyone’s fault. But before you could apologise, the front door opened and Jensen walked in, a confused look on his face at the sight of you and Jared stood there.

“Jay,” you gasped, breathy with relief.

“Hey,” he smiled a little.

“Are you okay? Where have you been?” you asked quickly, making your way towards him. “You skipped out on us, could’ve at least left a note,” you told him.  
  


Jensen scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

“I kinda freaked,” he confessed. You sighed heavily.

“I’m sorry, Jay, last night shouldn’t have happened, it was too much,” you told him, shaking your head.

“No, sweetheart, it wasn’t that,” Jensen reassured you, reaching out and placing a hand on your shoulder. “Well, it was, kind of…basically, when I woke up next to you this morning, I wanted to do it again, and I freaked out thinking I’d relapsed,” Jay explained further.

“Dude, I think we all wanted to do it again. I want to fuck Y/N all the time,” Jared spoke up. You blushed violently.

“Jar,” you warned. He shrugged a little with a smirk. It was still so strange to you to hear him speaking so openly about his feelings towards you in front of Jensen. You weren’t sure you would ever get used to it.

“Point is, it’s normal when you’re attracted to someone to want to fuck them. I know you have to be careful, but it’s still okay to want to have sex with someone,” Jared reassured him.

“Yeah, I know.” Jensen sighed as he rubbed his face with his hands for a second. “I just needed to get out, clear my head a bit. But I didn’t fuck anyone else or anything. I didn’t want to, just wanted you,” he looked at you. You smiled a little. “So I figured I was alright.”

“Thank god you’re okay,” you sighed relieved as you threw your arms around his neck and hugged him. He hugged you back and kissed your forehead.  
  


When you stepped back you felt another type of sadness in your heart at the reality of the situation.

“We should never have done that, last night,” you told them again, wrapping your arms around yourself. “Because now I can’t…I don’t want to lose either of you,” you confessed, eyes filling with tears. “And we can’t go back to the whole friends thing, after last night…” you stopped and composed yourself. “Last night was the best experience of my life, but it’s made me realise what I want,” you admitted. Neither Jared or Jensen said anything for a moment, as you gathered your courage. They just looked at each other, yet another silent conversation going on. “I want both of you and I can’t choose between you.” Jensen cleared his throat, looking back at you.

“Then maybe you don’t have to choose.”


	16. Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a sequel coming soon called "Now You're Here" ;) - you can find out more on my tumblr - negans-lucille-tblr :)

“Jay? I don’t…” you gulped and looked to Jared to see him smiling a little, one corner of his mouth picked up as he glanced to Jensen for a moment.

“What if…what if we could work something out, the three of us,” he started to explain. Your mind was racing trying to figure out exactly what he was saying.

“You said we make a good team right?” Jared asked.  
“Yeah for sex, but we were drunk, that was a one off, right?” you asked. To say you were confused was an understatement.

“It doesn’t have to be,” Jensen told you. “Look, we both love you, both want to be with you, you say you can’t choose, well then we’re not making you choose, Y/N.”  
“So what? I just…fuck both of you? We just repeat last night over and over?” you asked.

“And I thought I was the sex addict,” Jay giggled. “We’re not just talking about sex any more, Y/N, we’re talking about a real relationship,” he explained. Jared’s eyebrows were raised, but not in shock, in anticipation of your response.

“Wait…I’m sorry, but I don’t understand how the three of us can be a real relationship,” you frowned. “What, so I date both of you? Two boyfriends?” You were still struggling to wrap your head around exactly what Jensen was saying. A relationship had only ever meant two people before. A couple. This wasn’t conventional, and okay, you weren’t exactly the picture of normal, but this was so different.

“Yeah, I guess you could say that. This doesn’t have to be complicated, sweetheart, if you love us both, and we love you, then what else is there?” Jared asked.

“And you two are happy…to share?” you checked. Jared and Jensen looked at each other again for a moment.

“There is no one else I’d do this with. But I’d do this with Jared,” Jensen told you. “If it meant being with you,” he added.

“Exactly,” Jared agreed.

“So I mean…would it be like divorced parents, I’m with one of you on weekends and the other on weekdays or…?” Jared laughed at your question.

“No, nothing like that. I mean, maybe we could do like separate date nights once a week or something, but there’s no need for a schedule, we’d just be yours and you’d be ours, just like a normal relationship,” Jared offered.

“I think it would work well, it takes the pressure off me with my recovery,” Jensen added.

“And I’m totally fine with picking up his slack,” Jared teased. Jensen laughed and rolled his eyes.

“You honestly think this will be better than just a normal relationship?” you asked Jensen.  
“I do,” he nodded.

“And Jar, you’re okay with this too?” you checked. “I mean, really, both of you?” you asked, looking between them. They both nodded.

“Yeah, I want this, Y/N,” Jared smiled, “just feels right, somehow,” he shrugged. You couldn’t deny that despite how crazy it seemed, like it was doomed from the start, he was right; something felt incredibly right about it.

*

You’d spent hours sitting and talking about it all, making sure everyone was on the same page. You decided it was a good idea to have rules. Jensen got to dictate a lot to do with the sex stuff, as he was the one that needed to keep himself in check. You’d talked for ages about how he needed to trust you and Jared, be completely open and honest with you about how he was feeling, if he felt he was losing control so the two of you could help. You’d decided that even though this relationship had an extra person in it, it was still a closed relationship. No one was allowed to go out and sleep with someone else.

You’d decided to all live together, to make it fair for everyone and Jensen agreed to move in to Jared’s house, taking another one of his spare rooms. It seemed soon to be moving in together but you’d lived with both men now and they’d lived together, so it really wasn’t anything new in that respect. You’d still have your own rooms, so you’d kind of be more like housemates where that was concerned.

The boys seemed pretty relaxed with the idea of seeing each other with you, and after last night, you figured they’d seen the worst so a bit of cuddling or kissing and hand holding wasn’t going to be a big deal to either of them. You were still trying to get your head around the fact you’d be able to be affectionate with both men and you started to worry about leaving one out more than the other. But hopefully, when you all got into the swing of the relationship, that wouldn’t be an issue any more. Although you had loved Jensen longer, it didn’t necessarily mean you loved him more. Your love for Jared was fairly new, but it was intense.

“I already know the answer to this but you two…never want to…” you trailed off, pointing between them.

“No,” Jared shook his head.

“Nope, seeing his dick on a regular basis will be enough gay for me, thanks,” Jensen laughed.

“Alright, just so we’re clear,” you giggled.

“We’re all about you, baby girl,” Jared winked. You blushed and nodded.

“Okay,” you agreed. “So is it gonna be all threesomes or…?”

“What would you prefer?” Jensen asked you.

“I mean, I really enjoyed last night, but I think I’d like to be able to have private time with you both too, just now and then,” you blushed, hoping they didn’t get offended.

“I think that sounds good,” Jared agreed.

“Yeah, me too,” Jensen nodded.

“So, what about the public?” you asked. “I mean, we can’t come out right now, if ever,” you rationalised.

“No, you’re right,” Jared agreed.

“Well, as far as the public are concerned, we’re still together right. At least, we’ve not told them otherwise, so maybe we just keep it that way for now?” Jensen suggested. Jared nodded.

“Don’t get me wrong, as much as I don’t want to be the dirty little secret, that does make sense.”

“Okay, so publicly, it’s just me and Jay,” you confirmed. “That reminds me, you should probably post something online soon, the rumours that have gone around about your disappearance are insane,” you told him. He laughed a little.

“You’re right,” he agreed, “C'mere,” he encouraged. You moved closer to him and he grabbed his phone, loading the camera as he took a selfie of the two of you. “There, I’ll post that, it lets people know I’m still alive and that we’re still together,” he smiled.

He typed away on his phone for a little and you got a notification he’d posted.

_Been enjoying my time off from social media. Sometimes we really just need to unplug to appreciate all the good stuff we have around us. Talking of the good stuff, have a photo of me and the best thing in my life, @yourinsta #loveofmylife #timetounplug #appreciatewhatyouhave_

You smiled warmly at your phone for a moment, before your eyes flickered to Jared. He didn’t seem too bothered about being left out, but you didn’t want to start this relationship off badly. You wanted him to be as involved as possible.

“Come here, Jar,” you encouraged. He smiled a little as he slid in next to you.

“Take a photo, Jay,” you ordered. Jay loaded the camera again and the three of you smiled nicely, heads pressed together with you in the middle. “There, our first photo as a…throuple?” you frowned at your own suggestion.

Jared giggled, “I like that,” he nodded.

“Me too,” Jensen agreed, “a throuple.” 


End file.
